On Saturday, July 21st, it was my birthday. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me by dumping my stuff on my parents front lawn. He didn’t even tell me, he involved my grandma by calling her even though she lives 200 miles away and was dealing with my sick grandpa who’d been in the hospital for more than a week, which he knew. He also knows she cares about me a lot and worries, but chose to tell her instead of me even though we’d been talking that morning - 15 minutes prior, actually - and he’d been telling me he was at his apartment gaming. Up until the 20th we’d been living together. We had been having problems since February, it’s a long story, but basically we were still living together and acting very much like a couple, but not “officially” together and were not calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend or saying I love you. We’d agreed Friday night that we would go on a break and I would get my stuff from the apartment Sunday. So that was the morning of my birthday.
I decided I would go out with my friend and her bf that night to try to get my mind off things, plus my ex never let me go to a club so I thought it would be a fun way to ring in my birthday.
I’d been at the club with my friends for about 45 minutes before I got the worst phone call of my life: my grandpa passed away. On my birthday. I’ve ever experienced someone close to me dying, and my grandpa was always one of the healthiest people in the family. So even though he’d been in the hospital, he’d been home for a few days and we really thought he would be ok.
I feel very depressed, alone, confused, and just generally unmotivated. My relationship was certainly toxic and I don’t have as many close friends as I used to. Despite the toxicity, I feel like i won’t find someone to be as close to ever again. I’m a very closed off, shy, anxiety ridden person when it comes to relationships and opening up to people - to the point where I struggle to eat in front of someone for the first few months. My ex helped me with my anxiety issues and that was the main reason I stayed. Despite our issues we spent all of our time together and did everything together. Even the thought of having sex with someone else spikes my heart rate, not necessarily because I don’t want to do it with someone else but because the process of getting comfortable enough with somebody is long and drawn out for me.
I’d really really appreciate any support or advice anyone here can offer me. There’s a hole in my heart and I’ve never felt so low.
Tl;dr I had the worst birthday of my life and don’t know how to climb out of this hole.
Submitted July 28, 2018 at 02:52AM by chrissyteiganswings https://ift.tt/2K2n24g
No comments:
Post a Comment