Hi I'm writing this post on behalf of me and my husband. I've been dating my husband Jimmy since we were Sophomores in college. After graduation my Dad started making a bunch of off brand comments asking when "My fling was going to end" "There are more important things than looks and muscles" . It escalated and my dad eventually revealed himself to be a huge racist that thought my Jimmy wasn't good enough for me because he was mixed and had to play football to go to college. My father and I's relationship ended after he told me my grandpa would be heartbroken, he was writing me out of the family trust and that I'd come crawling back to him. My mom agreed with him also, although she was more quiet about it, so I haven't spoken to either of them in 8 years.
My dad is a racist and he's a liar. My grandpa never cared about Jimmy's race and actually knew Jimmy because My Grandpa is a major donor to our alma mater's athletic program and he also informed me my dad was lying about the trust because my grandpa has control of it. My grandpa and grandma both cut my dad off as a result. They rarely speak. My grandparents don't invite them to holidays but always invite us, and 2/3 siblings have also taken our side.
We didn't invite them at our wedding. We ignore their gifts and they've never met either of our two kids. They've tried to apologize, reach out, set up meetings over the years, but both Jimmy and I have been against it. They've referred Clients to Jimmy's training companies, sent hand written letters, but I personally was/am so angry at my dad and my mom for taking his side.
Recently, my Grandma got sick and almost died, so they came to the hospital when we were there. The focus was on my grandma and we still didn't talk. My dad tried to ask Jimmy to talk while were walking out and Jimmy said no.
However, a couple of nights ago Jimmy came to me and asked if we were doing the right thing. He said at times he felt like we were, but that he hated having a divided family because he was in foster care growing up. He told me that a lot of his dad's reservations still bother him though. And in Jimmy's defense, they still bother me too. My husband is loving, caring, and a great dad. He turned his collegiate football career into a highly successful training company and he does a bunch of charity work for inner city schools, gives free sessions to poor kids, and goes out of his way to buy equipment/cleats for teens that can't afford it. It actually makes my stomach hurt to think that my father could think lower of him just because he's black.
Jimmy told me he wanted to at least here my dad out because our kids are now getting older (3 & 4) and that he's willing to give him an opportunity to at least apologize and try to move forward if my parents are willing to sincerely atone for their past actions and words. He said my grandma's health scare really impacted him because my grandparents haven't talked to their son much in 8 years and that after this long he thinks my parents might've changed. I'm still a little uncomfortable, but my feeling is that, in this case, my husbands' feelings take precedent over mine because its racially based and he's black.
We both know it would take a lot of time to rebuild it, if it could ever be rebuilt, but we thought we could meet them, and if there apology/attitude was sufficient at the meeting and then for a period after the meeting then we could introduce them to their grand kids and start rebuilding the relationship. Does this sound ok?
TL;DR Parents were racist assholes and cut me/my husband off. It's been 8 years, and a family tragedy has caused my husband to reevaluate our relationship with them and we want to know if meeting with them, to at least here their apologies and try to take the first step to rebuilding the relationship would work. My husband is the one who brought this idea up.
Submitted July 29, 2018 at 09:14AM by takemydadback https://ift.tt/2M0UzOi
No comments:
Post a Comment