I (M25) assaulted my wife (F26). She has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself for doing it. What is the best way for me to handle this situation going forward?

TL;DR I assaulted my wife, we've both apologised to each other, but I can't move beyond it. I need advice on how to proceed.

I was on a Zoom meeting with work (just voice, no cameras). My wife was a few meters away from me and thought it would be funny to shout silly phrases to questions asked.

"Why was growth 2.4% lower this quarter in your team?"

"BIG WILLIES!"

Stuff like that.

Anyway, I had been muting my mic regularly and pleading with her to stop because I could get in serious trouble with my colleagues. She kept going for around 10 more minutes, and at that point I'm pretty sure my colleagues heard at least some of what she was saying.

I muted myself, grabbed her by her shoulders, pushed her onto the couch and yelled at her to "fucking stop it now!"

There was no bruising on her shoulders, but I know I dug my fingers harder than I needed to out of anger.

She took herself off to the bedroom after that, and started crying. I have since apologised to her and she has apologised as well for "acting immature."

However, I don't feel like I can forgive myself for what I did. I had never laid a hand on anyone my entire life before this point. I've never punched, slapped, or so much as poked someone.

I feel like I should end the relationship out of respect to her, but this would make her homeless as I am the one who pays for the apartment's mortgage and she isn't on the deeds.

Can anyone give my some advice? I've never thought of myself as a domestic abuser, but apparently I am one.

Submitted January 05, 2023 at 03:56AM by Easy-Bath-3428 https://ift.tt/zemR9iF