My fiancé (M 32) and I (F 33) bought a home together within the last 6 months. Prior to this we were long distance (about 2 hours from each other) for 8-9 years. We both had our own things we were working on in that time- academically and professionally. We both didn’t think we’d be that way for that long but that was how it worked out.
I wanted to be married before buying a place together but that didn’t happen and I am actually happy about that now because I’m seeing that this relationship might actually not be something I want to continue.
I always thought of him as a great life partner. For the most part he is supportive of me and I of him. Our communication has not been great but we are working on that. He is really handy with things around the house- able to fix plumbing, electrical, likes to work on different things. I always knew this about him. In buying this house we had to paint the whole place top to bottom. Originally we were going to paint it ourselves. I was really down for it and wanted to do it, I knew it would take a bit. That was our plan to paint it ourselves. Then he decided he didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t paint it all myself so hired a painter to do it and paid $6500 (excluding the basement). Now I’m realizing his whole thing is he likes to do all that stuff above but he doesnt really want to/is lazy and will take ages to do something.
I don’t want to have to be like his mom and keep asking for something to be done. Mom is not a role I want to be at all. We went without a mirror in our downstairs bathroom for months when he had the materials needed to hang it and just didn’t do it until Christmas since we were having family here. This is the bathroom I primarily use because I don’t want to disturb him on his days off in the morning getting up early and getting ready. He knows this and knew there was no mirror in there for a good 4-5 months since the painter was there and had removed it.
He isn’t thoughtful or caring, writing this and thinking about things I am realizing this. There is no caring from him at all. I was sick in November and not once in the time I was sick did he offer to make any meals or walk our dog (originally my dog who is still young and just about a year and a half). At one point my mom invited me to her place and let me rest for the day there. I slept the whole day because I was so tired and really not getting any rest at home.
Christmas we hosted for the first time - he didn’t help at all, in fact never once did he ask anyone if they want drinks, pass around appetizers, or anything he just sat there. I made the whole Turkey dinner with fixings, made lasagna and 3 homemade desserts, etc. After the whole day of preparing, cooking, hosting, he didn’t even offer to take the dog out for me that night.
I feel like if you really care for someone and love them you shouldn’t have to ask them to do basic caring things.. he should just do them.
If I didn’t make 95% of our meals we wouldn’t eat. We do occasional take out and on days he is off and I’m working he has cooked a few times. Sometimes we will have leftovers from what I’ve made the night or two before. On weekends when I’m off I’m always the one making us breakfast. He never once has gotten up and made it. He doesn’t typically eat breakfast on his own, even during the week (he’s up at 5 am and out the door at 5:30) But he knows I do and he has never been thoughtful and just made us both breakfast. I’ve made his lunches too because I feel bad he won’t eat during the day - but this too he could get up and make for himself early or make the night before.
I’m tired of leaving the house to go to work, the dishwasher has all clean dishes in it ready to be put away, and I come home and the clean dishes are still in there with the dirty ones in the sink. I can undoubtedly tell you where he is the moment I walk in the door. Laying on the couch with his phone glued to his hands. It’s literally the same position he is in every night I get in from work or anytime I am out and come back home. I could make a bet and win every time that that is where he is going to be.
Anyway; for all that have made it this far - thank you for reading and my question for you is what would you do in this case? Would you call it quits? I can’t see he rest of my life being like this. I don’t feel like I can depend on him. If he is this way now, I can’t even imagine throwing a baby into the mix, just thinking down the road. I can see it all now. I mean he once got up in the morning to take the dog out for me and this was after asking him to because I was running late that morning. Besides that I walk the dog day and night. I don’t want to have to ask him to walk the dog. I just want him to do it. I have told him this. I just feel so over every aspect of this. I feel like I’m the only one doing things here and is is really getting tiresome.
TL;DR - bought a house together, were long distance previously, living together has made me doubt this relationship and if it should continue
Submitted January 17, 2023 at 02:31AM by GApeachesgal https://ift.tt/OTvVbDx
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