I bumped into my [m28] ex’s [m31] brother [m26] today and he looks dreadful. I’m in a unique position to help, but I’m not allowed. Should I?

This is a bit of a unique situation that requires some backstory.

I’m a 28 year old male living in a foreign country. I moved here with my ex Adam (31) around 7 years ago. We broke up 4 years ago and around 2 years ago we were finally able to become friends. I rely on him like family, see him frequently. We’ve a strange and unique relationship but it works with reasonable rules and conditions.

I lived with Adam’s family for about a year when I first moved here, which is where I met his brother Kyle (26). Adam and Kyle have never been friends. They come from a unique broken family and Kyle has his issues, but the problem with their relationship is all Adam’s. Kyle just wants to be loved by the older brother that has rejected him while Adam is embarrassed by Kyle. When I lived with their family Kyle and I did kinda treat each other as the brother each other never had. Despite our small age gap I felt I had wisdom to offer him, I understood him, and I liked him. I didn’t want anything from him, we just got on well together.

After my break up with Adam, Kyle also came out as gay and they ended up living together (with the prior knowledge of Adam’s general disdain towards Kyle I was surprised to hear this. I suppose it benefited them both financially).

Not long after I reconnected with Adam the brothers fell out, moved out, and now live separately. As a final act, Adam found Kyle a new apartment literally next door to his new apartment and they haven’t spoken since, approx. 2 years.

One night about 1.5 years ago, I was drinking with Adam and decided to try and advocate for Kyle with my Dutch courage. It didn’t go well, Adam left and drew his familial relationships as a boundary, and I agreed to respect that boundary.

The following summer Adam and I had another separate altercation around his family that almost ended out friendship. His cousin is from my home country and we accidentally bumped into each other and we then spent some time together without Adam, which upset him massively. Since then I’ve kept away from anything to do with his family, and he’s kept me at arms length.

Background out of the way, today I was on my way to Adam’s for coffee and I bump into Kyle. Kyle looks absolutely terrible. Alopecia, loss of weight, his demeanour was despondent and angry. He and I have always had a decent bond and have dealt with similar circumstances (I’ve even had and overcome stress-related alopecia) and I know a massive part of his problem is loneliness, isolation, and familial rejection.

Ego out of the way, me reaching out will almost definitely help Kyle somewhat. I see a lot of him in me and vice versa. We both know his brother and family and his issues with them, and we are both lonely as fuck, and at some point of both of our lives we’ve both been victims of Adam’s vitriol.

While on the one hand I can see that I shouldn’t be inserting myself into Adam's familial business (it’s his family and not mine, despite the estrangement with his brother, and I already agreed to this boundary).

Adam would cut me out of his life without a second thought if he found out I had reached out to Kyle, and for Kyle’s sake I do not want to sneak around hide it from Adam.

I don’t think Adam’s boundaries are justified but I respect them to keep him around in my life. We are good friends, I've known him for years longer than Kyle, and he does add value to my life... but I feel like I can help Kyle. Should I? Can I? Do I say fuck it to one of my longest relationships (Adam) and reach out to Kyle, or just pretend I didn’t get see Kyle desperate today.

I should add, Kyle has reached out to me a few times over the years but I’ve always kindly rebuffed him because of my relationship with his brother.

I would like to punctuate this post with this: “I am seriously concerned about Kyle”.

What would you do?

TLDR: brothers hate each other, one is my ex, the other I used to be close with, and is for sure in crisis mode. I can help. Should I help?

Submitted March 02, 2022 at 05:52PM by clamchowwder https://ift.tt/M9740gb