I need to start this by saying if you are going to troll me, harass me, or tell me my son deserves a better dad…spare me. There is nothing you can say that is worse than I’m already feeling so save the oxygen, I just need to vent.
Because of the pandemic every student gets free lunch which is a godsend. My son also goes to school early for the free breakfast. There is a latchkey program I'm trying to get him into that also serves kiddos snacks after school while doing homework/recess type activities but I just don’t have the funds right now to enroll him.
I have a appointment for food stamps, it’s the end of the month and I've utilized the food pantries nearest me so I can’t go back until the first, inflation is insane on groceries, and gas is astronomical to the point where my RV is parked and won’t be moving even if it was to a food pantry a little farther away. I’m not saying anything most people don’t already know. I’m trying but my son will always be fed. Maybe not the healthiest foods but it’s better than nothing.
Today around lunch time I asked if he wanted me to make him some noodles. He told me no, that it was “my turn to eat” and that he had something saved. I was confused and asked what he meant. Apparently at lunch yesterday at school he grabbed a hot lunch and a sack lunch when “no lunch ladies were looking” so that he would have lunch today. It felt like my heart fell out of my a**. The fact that he was worrying about where his next meal was coming from means I’m not as slick as I think I am with hiding my own food insecurities. I’m already eating every two days but he must be noticing because he already had the sack lunch split in half for today and tomorrow.
The thought of him not eating the full pb sandwich even though he is hungry but wanting something to eat tomorrow is heart wrenching. I put on my best reassuring face and told him we had noodles and eggs, “plenty of food”, that stealing was wrong and that he should never not eat his entire meal. He told me he understood but he just wanted it to be my turn and started crying. I decided to throw caution to the wind and made the rest of what we had so we could eat together and we both ate like pigs.
Now that he is sleeping I can’t help but break down. I never liked school but he absolutely loves it. The fact that he was thinking about being home this weekend and worrying about food makes me physically sick. He already is having abandonment issues over his mom to the point where he has his teacher call me every day 30 minutes before school gets out to make sure I still want him and that I’m home waiting for him. No kid should be worried about these issues at 7 years old but I know he isn’t the only one.
How do I tell him not to worry about something when he is smart enough to know what is going on?
TL;DR: I know all this is temporary. I know I’ll get food stamps, I’ll win my disability case, food prices and gas prices will even out, the sun will come out tomorrow..but today was terrible.
Submitted March 26, 2022 at 10:06PM by Embarrassed_dad66 https://ift.tt/2eJYhBQ
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