Did my wife settle?

I'd love a female perspective on this; also, please don't tell me that I settled - I am not looking for a pep talk but an honest assessment of where I stand (thank you!):

I've long had a suspicion that I am not entirely the man that my wife wanted to marry. To be fair, we had no obligation that bound us (pregnancy, family pressure, etc.) but I've picked up bits here and there that give me pause.

I know that my wife had 100% intention of marrying her ex; she told me that she would have said yes if he would have asked. She even started to learn percussion (he played drums) while they were dating; I suspect that she envisioned the two of them and their children as some sort of percussion family, as she has noted how hot is was to watch him drum (for context, I cannot clap along to a song, much like Navin R. Johnson). She did not want to break up with him; he forced her hand. He started seeing someone else and told my wife (his then-girlfriend) that he was seeing someone else. However, he made it clear that he intended to date/sleep with both of them and my wife's pride could not handle that scenario. As such, she broke up with him.

Over the years, she has commented about how smooth he was, how much of a sweet talker he was, etc. and I have none of that. I have no game of any kind (my wife and I were friends while she was with her ex and I was there to pick up the pieces, so I didn't even pick her up then) and I can clearly tell that she misses being seduced, charmed, etc. (Before anyone tells me to learn how to do this, I've tried. My wife makes fun of me for any efforts as such and notes that it's a moot point - I don't have what it takes).

She did things with him sexually that she won't do with me (giving oral sex, which he got regularly and I almost never get) and she has commented about how hot sex was with him. Once, I commented that I was a rebound guy and she said, "You're not a rebound guy; a rebound guy is someone hot who you want to have sex with."

Am I blowing this out of proportion or does it seem like I (5'6", homely, uncharming, grew up poor) am the runner up to him (6'2", handsome, charming, upper-middle class) in my wife's eyes?

tl;dr Am I runner up to my wife's hot, charming, tall, talented, handsome ex?

Submitted March 02, 2022 at 10:36PM by Active_Ad_3495 https://ift.tt/6P0oaTE