I (32F) have been in a relationship with my college sweetheart (33M) for 13 years now. We started dating when I was 19. I love him - I honestly do. But as we've grown up I have found myself conflicted and 'cornered'.
When we met, he had just been through a horrible break up. His ex cheated on him... a lot - which informed his opinion on love a lot, and he was a little possessive at times and always worried I would end up cheating on him. For the last 8 of our 13 years he sank into a deep depression which he didn't treat and I became the only one of us still actively living life (I was paying the bills, I was keeping in touch with his family, everything). My pushes for him to get help never got us anywhere. As I became more and more lonely I started developing crushes on other people on occasion - but to be clear, I never acted on it.
6 months ago I couldn't do it anymore. I felt more like a carer than a partner. I told him I needed a break and moved out. He's gone through a rollercoaster since but has finally gotten help and is taking his life and future more seriously now. Which is amazing. I'm so proud of him. I'm so sad, though, that it took me having to break his heart like that for him to wake up. It took a lot out of me, too, to get to and through that point.
Since being alone I have realized there is a part of me that is interested in dating others to see what it's like. I'd never been with anyone before him. I obviously haven't acted on it. But I can't shake the feeling that I want to experience other relationships. He on the other hand has remained very "we belong to each other". He would never understand - and truly, if I told him, he would HATE me. So much that I would probably feel unsafe, to be honest.
I know in my heart I have to fully break it off, because he deserves to be with someone who can give him the kind of love he wants - and he is so fixated on me. But I'm truly scared to tell him the reason, but I also can't think of any other reason to give him. To say I don't love him anymore would be a lie. To say that our plans for the future aren't compatible is becoming less and less true. I don't know how to break this off without telling him that I want to try and date other people. I'm well aware I don't deserve him purely because of that fact, and I shouldn't be wasting his time. I just can't find a way to tell him where I don't think it could become dangerous, and where I wouldn't be literally validating all his very worst fears when he doesn't deserve that.
I know how reddit is... I'm sure plenty of you will tell me I'm an asshole. I'm trying to be honest without causing unnecessary further damage. I really am trying.
TL;DR - I want to break up with my long term partner because I find myself interested in other people (I do still love him but I realize that doesn't matter for his wellbeing) but I know telling him the real reason would destroy him and possibly make me unsafe - but obviously after this many years I do owe him an explanation. I don't know what to tell him/how to end this right.
Submitted March 12, 2022 at 11:36PM by CelineBrent https://ift.tt/6bdG1Av
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