My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and I’m absolutely in love with him. Even though we’re content with each other, we both struggle with our insecurities. For context, he was cheated on by his previous girlfriend of 6 years over a year ago and I struggle deeply with self-hatred stemming from childhood abuse. Over the summer that he was single, he met a group of really hot younger girls who were his neighbors (younger being 21/22/23) and one of them he always refers to as his “girlfriend” or “best friend”. He’s pretty open about her with me to my knowledge and let’s me know when they’re hanging out, etc. He even introduced me to his group of girlfriends and I have a lot of trust in him to the best of my ability. I let him know initially that I have no issues with him having female friends but that with them being so gorgeous I do struggle with feelings of inadequacy. He seemed to be understanding of this and I felt it was good communication on both of our parts. To make things more complicated, his male best friend/roommate always rants to my boyfriend about how hot one of the girls are and insinuates wanting to sleep with her. To make things even more complicated, I caught a glimpse of my boyfriends messages with his “girlfriend” months ago and saw the words “Hey beautiful ❤️”. I brought this up to him immediately and he explained that he talks to all his friends like that and means it more so in a “friendly” way, not actually referring to her looks but to the quality of her personality. I was so upset by this because my boyfriend never even calls me beautiful, which is something I also let him know and something he still never says. Sometimes he even pokes fun at me and to be honest I feel more like the best friend than his girlfriend in that way. It boggles my mind that he can say such kind things to her but rarely compliment his girlfriend. I also haven’t heard or seen him talk to any of his other friends in that manner. I just have such a pit in my stomach about it and I want to trust him but a part of me has this feeling that there’s been something there since before him and I met and he’s hanging onto that in the guise of friendship. She also has a boyfriend and they both talk openly together about their relationships. Her Netflix is even logged into his TV upstairs and I just drive myself crazy wondering what it is they do and say and act like when I’m not around. I’m just so lost as to what to do, does anyone have experience with their partners having opposite-gendered best friends? It’s been consistently putting a wedge in our relationship unbeknownst to him and I struggle every time she’s mentioned to be okay with it and not feel insanely insecure and down on myself.
What do I do in this situation? Do I just decide to trust him and work it out by myself or do I talk to him about it more? I refuse to allow my insecurity to get in the way of him having a best friend who happens to be female but this is tearing me apart (you’re tearing me apart Lisa!!) and I just don’t know what to do anymore. It feels pointless to bring it up again and I just want this feeling of insecurity within our relationship to go away. I feel like she makes him happy I just want it to be for the right reasons.
TLDR: My boyfriend has an attractive younger female best friend and it’s led me to feel extremely insecure.
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Edit; UPDATE: She came over to his house tonight to catch up with some drinks after being abroad for a month. I was supposed to come over and he told me to head over whenever to drink and catch sunset with them. I packed my bag for work and waited. He never replied to my last text so I didn’t know what was up and let it be while waiting for his go ahead to head over. He called me after she left and I caught him in a lie; he said he didn’t see my last text and didn’t have his phone on him and that’s why he didn’t get back to me but he actually had it on him the whole time and had seen my text. I confronted him on his very obvious discrepancies and he was flustered and told me that he knows i’m insecure and didn’t know how to explain wanting alone time to catch up with his best friend without upsetting me. I mentioned how difficult and frustrating it was for me to wait around when we had made plans that he could’ve told me otherwise about from the get go and how on top of that he chose to ignore me for his best friend he calls “beautiful”. I know I probably shouldn’t have said that last part, it was said calmly but with pain I must add, and he became very upset. He told me “I call everyone beautiful you fucking idiot” with such anger that all I could muster was “excuse me” and hang up. This is the second time recently he’s called me a name out of anger but definitely the worst. I already feel like I know what you all are going to say. This is bad isn’t it. I have never called him names or put him down or yelled at him. I’m honestly shocked. He claims so vehemently that he’s only ever seen her as a friend and in his words “doesn’t care about her parts” most definitely referring to her boobs. After our fight he says he loves me so much and wishes he could show me that, that he wants to grow old with me etc. and that he knows he’s been a shitty partner lately and hasn’t shown me his love because he’s been depressed. What the hell y’all I am at a loss for words here. This is so bad isn’t it.
Submitted March 29, 2022 at 07:41PM by Aggressive_Teach75 https://ift.tt/Arl6kBF
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