I know it sounds bad, but hear me out. My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) met in college and have been dating on and off for 3 years. Since then, we’ve both graduated and I moved back home about 3 hours away. I graduated 6 months before my boyfriend, and have since started working. My boyfriend graduated in December, and has been really lazy about applying for jobs. I understand getting a job is difficult after graduating, but he refuses to work anything that isn’t in his field or adjacent. He was working a well paying job for about 6 months before quitting 4 months ago to focus on his 2 classes. My boyfriend lives with his parents, doesn’t pay bills, and spends his days asleep until noon, working out, then coming home to play video games. Every day that’s what he does. He hasn’t been applying to jobs (only maybe like 1 or 2 a week), and doesn’t care about making money because he doesn’t have to (parents are well off and pay for everything). I’ve been working since I was 17. I got a job not in my field shortly after graduating, and was making a livable salary for the first time. Even though this job was adjacent to my field, it helped me land my current job that is and pays more. Since I also live with my parents, I’m able to save.
Throughout our relationship, we never went on real dates. We spend our time together in his room either watching TV, playing games, or running errands. When we eat out it’s always some type of fast food or diner where we split the bill. We never do anything fun because it’s “too expensive”…and by fun I mean going to a museum or a movie or the zoo…even a sit-in restaurant with servers is too expensive, so we never do that. I don’t want this stuff all the time, but we NEVER do that stuff. We never celebrate Valentine’s Day or anniversaries..it’s more like acknowledge the day and move on. It turns me off every time he complains about something being expensive or asking if we can split the bill for everything…even the one date we had a couple of months ago. It irks me because he quit his job and refused to work anything else. He said himself he’s okay with just not working right now, but it’s been almost 5 months & he always complains about how broke he is. It’s taking a toll on our relationship, and I’m getting fed up with him being a bum and not working. It feels like a high school relationship. He’s too comfortable and lacks ambition, while I’m about my money and have always held a job. I always hear the “One day we’ll do this, one day we’ll go here”, but it never happens.
Am I being impatient and selfish for wanting him to make money and stop being a bum? Whenever we make plans, he always sleeps in while I’m up and ready to go (like right now). Every time I bring these issues up, he’s like “now I feel bad”. Maybe my expectations are too high, but this relationship isn’t going anywhere and there’s no excitement. Don’t get me wrong, he’s super sweet and patience, but other than that there’s no effort to woo me…and he wonders why I don’t have to have sex.
How can I bring this up to him without making him feel bad? At this point I’m ready to cut it off, but we have history and I know at some point he will get a job and these issues will be nonexistent.
TLDR - Need advice on how to tell my bf that his voluntary broke-ness is taking a toll on our relationship and making me lose interest
-edit- I want to add that I do pay for our meals and dates sometimes
Submitted March 19, 2022 at 10:15AM by moremoscato_plz https://ift.tt/ruE26In
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