I [26F] thought my boyfriend [29M] of 7 years was going to propose on the trip we’re on. Last night he broke down crying and told me he’s unsure if he’ll ever get over fear of change, even though he wants to spend his life with me. Where to go from here?

My boyfriend has had a painful life. His dad committed suicide when he was 10, and his mom had an aneurism right after. He had to essentially raise his little sister, who has special needs, by himself while his mom recovered. He’s an incredibly kind, caring, and thoughtful person, and he always makes me so happy, but I’ve always known change makes him nervous.

We went on a trip for our 7 year anniversary (we’re actually still on it). We’ve talked about timelines for engagement and this falls exactly within that timeline. We got a beautiful dinner on the beach last night and went for a walk afterwards. We walked on the shore and he told me how special he thought I was, how much he loves me, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I thought he was going to propose. Then he broke down crying and told me he wasn’t ready. He was really beating himself up. I comforted him and we drove home.

He said he’s scared and doesn’t know why, and he’s worried my medical conditions (pelvic and back muscular/pain conditions, PCOS, and a thyroid condition) will make me too exhausted to mother our future kids. He said he wants kids but is scared of how he’ll be as a dad. I told him I understand his anxiety as I have anxiety and OCD, and regardless of the decision he makes, therapy will help hm process these emotions. I’m still so sad though. I feel so inadequate. I have vaginismus and even after hundred of vaginal lidocaine injections and years of PT still can’t have penetrative sex. I can’t help but wonder if I’m broken and no man will want to marry me. What next?

TL;DR: boyfriend [29M] of 7 years fears change, even though he wants to be together forever and we’ve talked at length about engagement timelines. Last night he broke down crying and told me he’s scared and doesn’t know why, and he’s worried my medical conditions will make me too exhausted to mother our future kids. He said he wants kids but is scared of how he’ll be as a dad. I told him I understand his anxiety as I have anxiety and OCD, and regardless of the decision he makes, therapy will help hm process these emotions. I’m still so sad though. I feel so inadequate. What next?

Submitted January 10, 2022 at 10:19AM by PhinnishPharma https://ift.tt/3GgyAPu