I {44 M} found my wife's {42 F} second "secret" phone. Wife is a serial cheater and a different person online. Still processing all of it.

This may be long because I am still processing what happend. l am doubting myself what I found arguing with myself that this is someone else's phone, not my wife's. But the proof is all there. Instead of the infidelity, had I discovered that my wife was running a cryptocoin dark website from our house, I would have believed that more than this.

Some background. We are that suburban nuclear family. Husband (me) works, wife is a stay at home. Family dinners, movie nights with popcorn, Disney pricess themed birthdays, etc. Lives revolve around various children's activities. Once a year big vacation. The occassional argument about trivial things, which get forgotten in a few hours. The active-but-also-not-so-active sex life. Wife is on the conservative side. Clothing is always proper, bad language is not allowed in the house, no tattoos or gangster clothing, whatever that means.

Two weeks ago wife and kids {M 17, M 14, F 8} went to live with their grandma,she lives in the same city. I was looking for something in the garage and amongst the various boxes I found a phone with the passcode written on a sticky in the back. I charged it enough to power it on and get in. All this time I was anxious that my boys werent running with the bad crowd and this could be a burner phone.

Looking through the phone, I found nothing initially. The obvious places, gallery, texting app and recent calls were empty. Then I saw a folder with Google photos and whatsapp. I wish I had never opened those apps because reading that may have ruined my relationship. Wife had several selfies in there, most of them showing boobs. Then there were some with another woman, both wearing lingerie in what looked like a bedroom setting, and a guy's foot was visible, whom I am assuming took the pic. Immediate state of mine was complete shock. Is this the same person who buys "neckline hiders" from etsy because she doesn't like showing her cleavage. Clearly there is something else going on.

I was still telling myself the pics are likely from one of those AI photo morphing apps, they can swap faces and wife just playing with it. Then I opened whatsapp, and I was proven wrong. Multiple conversations with different people going back to two years. But the conversations stop just before June of last year. I kept reading the conversations and trying to tell myself that this is not my wife. My wife doesn't talk like that, or my wife would never think about doing what she is discussing.

She appears to have signed up for dating websites, and using whatsapp for communication. Reading through the conversations, I was telling myself its just sexting, nothing more. Wrong again. Meetup dates were discussed, places, contraceptive, testing status, and even things like parking and if someone will be at their place. She even venmo'd some guys to get tested. I was shocked at how meticulous she was. Reading more just led to the shock factor increasing. She apprently has a type, and it is fit guys in their mid 20s. She would aggresivelly go after them. If the conversation was dying, she would start sharing pics to convince them. She refered to herself as a MILF and her pitch was that she can take care of them after a long stressful day. She apparently loves guys with tattoo sleeves. Like WTF! With some guys she met up multiple times over a few months. It was insane.

Then I found conversations with couples. At this point I was so numb that I didn't even react. I didn't know she was into all of this. All the dates I read about, I could time them to various events. The longer than usual grocery trips, trips to malls, visiting a new gym, etc. Kind of feel stupid.

I was a mess for a week after finding the phone, but since last week have calmed down. I went from a state of shock and disbelief to ok what to do now. Various thoughts went through my head. Confronting her. Asking for a divoce. Custody of children. What happens to all the finances. What happens after the divorce. Will she be bringing these guys home.

So I wondered, if this is possible, and that is my question. What if I do nothing? What if I let the battery drain, turn off the phone and put it back. Like I never found it. Since I never found it, I know nothing. Then I go on living just like things were before, happy, the perfect nuclear family.

Another thought I had was to confront her, but let her continue but set a few conditions. Is this a possibility as well? I know people do open relationships, but I am not sure if thos work in a traditional family setup.

TL;DR! Found wife's second secret phone. She has been cheating on me for a while with multiple people. However, I am afraid of the fall out if I do confront. I am wondering what happens if I do nothing and pretend I know nothing. Or if I do confront her, I let it go on.

Submitted January 27, 2022 at 09:44PM by Constant-Whereas-795 https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/sejh0h/i_44_m_found_my_wifes_42_f_second_secret_phone/?utm_source=ifttt