During the initial lock down I became heavily addicted to a certain video game. It prevented me from properly searching for a job, I was unemployed, and played for 10 hours a day. While in a relationship, and we lived together. She hated it the entire time - hated the noises of me playing, hated how useless I was, hated how I struggled to think about or be interested in anything else when I wasn't playing.
Over the course of a year we slowly made some compromises such as limiting the amount of time I play. Eventually I got a remote job but really only worked half of my required hours and played the rest. I would sometimes game all day and work in the evening when my girlfriend got home.
About 6 months ago I decided gaming was a waste of time and destroying the relationship so I sold my console and account.
Things were good for a while but then there was a lot of downtime where I felt bored. I bought another console but never returned to the addicting game. I started playing a new game which is just a pick up, play for an hour or two, and put down kind of game. No real levelling system or checklist. Pvp only.
She was devastated I got back into it but we continued making compromises on playtime. I felt I was no longer addicted, just playing for fun, for reasonable amounts of time. She is still traumatized by my past and thinks I'm still addicted, doesn't trust I won't fall back into it. She cannot stand to hear me play for any amount of time or know that I'm playing even if she's not home.
We both lost our jobs last month and I've been looking hard for a new one. She is preferring to take a break, though isn't really doing much during it. We're both home together in a 1 bdrm apartment all day every day. I moved my gaming setup to the bedroom so she could have the apartment to herself while I play. That wasn't enough so I stopped using the mic. That wasn't enough so we came up with a rule I can only play after a certain time of day.
We've done this for 3 days now and it seemed to be going okay but today I used my mic for one particularly frustrating and "important" match. Meanwhile she packed a bag and left for her parents place without telling me. After dozens of calls I convinced her to come home and now we're sleeping in separate rooms. She has basically given me an ultimatum - quit entirely, or we breakup. She thinks I'm still addicted, and even if I cut down to 1-2 hours a day, never using the mic, she'll never be happy.
On the one hand I totally get where she's coming from. There's real trauma for her and our past is soured by the addiction. I would obviously choose her over gaming, so if that ultimatum is sincere I guess I'm quitting. However, I do think I've overcome the addiction and am now playing a reasonable amount, mostly in complete silence, in a separate room, during certain hours. Just playing to enjoy the hobby. She won't acknowledge the improvements I've made; it feels like the goalpost just keeps moving and she won't be happy unless I quit entirely. She's said as much.
If it wasn't for our past 2 years of struggles and my addiction, I feel like her demands would seem absurd and controlling. But given the history, maybe they're not. I don't like being told what to do, and I don't think it's fair to give up a hobby if I'm doing it in reasonable amounts. She'd be fine if I spent the time doing literally anything else, doesn't need to be productive. Just hates gaming in particular. Again: unfair outside of, but understandable within the context.
What do I do?
TL;DR: I was very addicted to a video game for 2 years of an otherwise wonderful relationship. Quit that game, reduced how much I play drastically, but girlfriend has given me an ultimatum to quit or breakup regardless. I'd rather have her than gaming, but part of me thinks it's unfair. What do I do?
Submitted January 20, 2022 at 11:17PM by ThrowawayGamerBF https://ift.tt/3qN3qtH
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