I'm on mobile, so hopefully formatting will be ok.
To start I (F25) have been in a relationship with "A" (NB29) for about 4 years now. To give a little context about the relationship: the beginning was great, we enjoyed all of our time together, we understood each others triggers we communicated as well as we needed to. I finally felt happy. Fadt forward into about the second year, I did notice little things like A getting upset and angry and small things, things that shouldn't matter For example, if I accidently stepped on the back of their heel, or moved the bedsheets just the wrong way. Little spats have grown into bigger fights. They yell at me and get mad when I break down and cry. They justify their actions towards me, something I told them is a trigger and they just don't seem to understand. It's a regular occurrence for me to ask them to lower their voice and they say they have to yell. I don't know why. Also, I realized how isolated I have been. I can't see my friends without them going, I never see my family anymore, but A is allowed to see friends alone. There's so many things that I do that are wrong in their eyes and they get so down about themselves if I even start to bring up how I feel. Being told i make A miserable and feel bad is a horrible feeling, but I just want to tell them how I feel. They don't believe in communication at all. For years ive made excuses for A thinking it'll change it'll get better. But they only expect me to change. There's a lot of "Why do you have to do that?" Questions asked to me regularly for things I don't mean to do or accidents. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells just to get through each day and it's killing my mental health. I've wondered many times if I should walk away. Here's the kicker. I firmly believe that if I do, A will harm themselves and it'll be my fault. I can't live with that guilt. But I'm dying inside while I'm still with them. And I genuinely love them. There's always the good days and I see the good in them. But A....isn't a happy person at all and I don't give them happy feelings I think. I guess what I want to know is, what should I do? Do I stick it out and see if we can talk? How do I even bring up how I feel? And if not, how do I leave? I can't guarantee their safety, and I will break myself too. I don't know what to do. There's so much I can't fit into one post either. It's so much more than this...
TL;DR: I think my partner is abusing me mentally and verbally, but can't bring myself to just leave. Looking for advice or help on what I should/could do.
Submitted January 21, 2022 at 11:49PM by flabby-cheese https://ift.tt/3KJG3cu
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