So today we have had the same argument for the 3737th time and I am really struggling to get my point across.
My wife mentioned that she was going to take a day off in a few weeks to go to the dentist. I said I would take the day off too so that we could spend the morning together and then I would play golf in the afternoon.
She casually mentions that she is going to see her aunt after the dentist. I said great, have a good time.
Then she comes in with a guilt trip - It would be nice if you came too, she really enjoys your company etc ... I reminded her that I had said I was busy in the afternoon and we saw her in December so it's not like I haven't seen her recently. I would be happy to see her on the weekend but I don't want to take a day off work for that.
She got annoyed and started trying to push me into going. I felt like I had set a fair boundary regarding my fairly limited free time. Eventually I gave in because I was trying to work (from home) whilst she was stood in the doorway explaining the 10,000 ways in which I am an asshole.
If this was a one off, I'd put it down as a bad experience and move on. But it's not.
It seems whenever I set aside an afternoon exclusively for me, she takes that as a greenlight to throw chores in there that didn't previously exist. Whether it is painting house, having a big declutter, going to see her family or even just going for a hike. All things I would happily do if asked ... But not after I have explicitly said I am tired / setting aside some time for myself.
The other circumstance is usually her saying that is fine, then proceeding to intentionally taking on a task she cannot do alone so that I have to help and end up feeling guilty so continue to complete with her.
It's really starting to get to me. She knows I need time to myself to recharge, she knows I gladly do 99% of the things we asks me to do outside of time I have set for myself.
For a bit of context - We don't have children, I set aside time for myself like this maybe once every six weeks, our day to day domestic duties are fairly evenly split and we both hold up our own end and we regularly see her family with whom I have a good relationship.
How do I effectively communicate this to her? I literally just want some time to myself without that being a green light to guilt me into doing previously unmentioned chores.
TL;DR - Wife takes me setting free time for myself as a green light to guilt me into doing chores that didn't previously exist. It's starting to make me feel worn down.
Submitted January 16, 2022 at 11:47PM by gluten-free-nihilism https://ift.tt/3AjSsz7
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