We’ve been together 10 years and married for 1. I have executive functioning disorder and managing my emotions is difficult for me. I say this because it may be relevant but I’m not sure.
This has been an issue with food sharing has been a problem ever since I can remember and I’ve been working on trying to let it go but now I need him to work on respecting me when I say “No”.
Basically, as the title says, I hate sharing food I’m actively eating. Buying things for the household fridge and pantry is a non-issue for sharing. Sometimes I need to remind him to let me know when something is low and other times I just point out what is for my work lunches.
Ever since I could remember he would steal food from my plate - either while I was watching him do it with annoyance or when I walked away and couldn’t see. I feel that I am constantly telling him to simply ask me if it’s okay to take the item first and I will usually say “yes” but sometimes I don’t want to share and that I need him to be okay with me saying “no”.
He says he understands but it’s rarely respected. It has resulted in me holding in my annoyance when he does that.
Does he offer me bites of his food? Rarely. And I don’t ask bc I’m interested in my own meal and don’t like to mix a lot of flavors and textures.
We regularly agree to share two different entrees at dinners out which I am happy to do but something about him stealing the food from my plate irritates me and makes me feel disrespected. It doesn’t give me the option to say no but even when I do say no I am forced to share if I want to avoid an arguement.
Today, I was eating a fajita entree from Chili’s that I ordered with work friends on Friday. They forgot the tortillas so I saved it and bought tortillas over the weekend and I told my husband I would set aside 1 of the 3 fajitas for him later. He came in asking for a bite of mine because he didn’t feel good. I said No and reminded him that I set aside one for him but that wasn’t good enough apparently bc he wanted a bite of mine right now.
In an exasperated and annoyed tone I said, “No! I don’t want to share! This is my lunch from Friday that I never got to eat and I already said I would share with you and it’s there whenever you want it!
His response was, “Are you fucking kidding me? You won’t share one bite? I’m telling you I don’t feel good and you won’t even give me a bite? You’re unbelievable and you’re so fucking selfish”.
“Fine! Take the freaking bite then! I cannot believe you’re starting this right now. I’m trying to relax and eat my meal before work. I need you to start respecting my boundaries. I’m allowed to say No! Plus, you’re not feeling well! You want me to get sick too?” I called him an Asshole for calling me selfish.
He took a bite and stormed off to the bedroom and the fight escalated. Him calling me selfish for not sharing is a common response.
Yesterday, at Fathers Day lunch I had no problem sharing a bite of my burger but I want to be able to choose when I share and when I don’t. He has also offered my food to others when I never offered to share and when they weren’t even asking. When I get annoyed I receive a glare and a lecture about sharing and in return.
Why can’t I just not want to share food? Am I really so horrible and selfish for not sharing? I know we grew up in different cultures (he’s Indian born, raised predominantly in the US and I’m American born and raised) but I respect his boundaries so why is it so difficult for him to respect mine?
I truly feel that I’m a giving person and the only thing I don’t want to share is underwear and food. I gave my coworker a pair of clean socks I had in my locker bc hers were soaked from a downpour on her way in! I regularly participate in work potlucks or will periodically buy food for our night shift crew.
I have no idea where to go from here as none of our conversations have been productive as this issue comes up somewhat frequently (although not usually to this degree of anger).
I’m tired of fighting about food!! It feels so stupid yet I feel so strongly and he clearly does too.
I don’t think either of us is necessarily wrong (to share or not to share), but his disregard for my needs (and the subsequent fight) is wearing me down.
TLDR: I’m uncomfortable sharing food from my plate and hubby routinely disregards my needs by forcing me to share my meal.
Submitted June 22, 2020 at 01:09PM by pandapawlove https://ift.tt/3dkVxS5
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