My [33/f] boyfriend [31/m] seems to dislike/get annoyed by conventionally attractive women anytime we encounter one

I’ve been with him for about 10 months. At the start of summer we began regularly going to coffee shops/Starbucks a few times a week to unwind and use the internet and people watch. The majority of the people employed at these places are college aged women and generally conventionally attractive. After a few visits to a place he tends to start getting annoyed by these women and our visits stop being relaxing because he spends most of the time complaining and whining about them. He hates their voices. He hates their hair. He hates how they talk and how they laugh and it seems like the friendlier and personable they are with customers, the more he thinks they’re fake and snobby and awful. He gets so annoyed by some of these women that we’ve stopped going to certain locations because he is just on edge the entire time we’re there. Right now we pass three different coffee shops to get to our current ‘regular’ place, because he doesn’t like the women at the three closer ones. The few men and older/overweight/less attractive women that are employed at these places don’t get nearly as many, of any, of these comments from him. This also happens with waitresses at restaurants and there are a few we avoid or scope out first because he doesn’t want to ‘have to deal with’ certain women. The majority of these women are nothing but nice and just doing their jobs, and the only thing I see that’s similar between all of the ones he dislikes are their appearances.

Some back story is that we were both fat kids and while I’m still fat, he started losing weight about a year before we met. He’s lost about 130 pounds and for the first time in his life he’s at a healthy weight. He’s gone from a 3X to a medium and has transformed into a conventionally attractive person. I’m still very overweight, a bit of a loner and not very feminine and generally not considered conventionally attractive. He’s had some bad relationships, with one long term ending with her cheating, another getting involved in hard drugs and using him for money, and a few others that started off being relationships of convenience, like one was his roommate got arrested and his live in girlfriend didn’t have anywhere else to go so she became his gf in exchange for free rent. I’ve had one long term relationship that was relatively normal and ended mutually and were still friends.

It feels like he’s sort of rejecting these women before they can reject them, if that makes sense. With his history, it kind of makes me worry that he’s only with me because he views me as ‘safe’, in the sense that I’m not going to reject him and leave or have the option to cheat because I’m not widely considered attractive. He doesn’t feel threatened by my appearance (or the other older/overweight/less attractive women’s we encounter) so he doesn’t feel the need to constantly put us down and bash us. Honestly though, it might just be my own low self esteem to be reading so much into this and turning this into something about me. Even if it’s not that, I don’t know how to get him to chill out about how he’s reacting. It’s frustrating listening to his constant complaining and focusing on these women during these trips and I’m almost to the point where I want to stop going out because I’m so annoyed at him being annoyed.

Tl;dr my boyfriend constantly insults and gets annoyed by attractive women. It makes me feel like he’s only with me because I’m (fat/older/less attractive) ‘safe’ and won’t cheat/leave/reject him.

Submitted September 25, 2019 at 04:21AM by fattyfattyfatfat7 https://ift.tt/2n68hrm