Tl;dr Yesterday I saw a post about a woman that had 4 kids and her husband was a captain on cruise ships and thought that her husband was cheating on her. My situation is similar to her except there is no cheating involved. My husband is also a captain but works on oil tankers where the crew is only male. We also have 4 kids (24f , 19f , 12m and 5f) . We have been together for 25 years and married for 21.He wants another child and I am not sure if I want one.
We met when I was 17 and he was 19. We were young and stupid and after 1 year I ended up pregnant as we were each other firsts and weren't using any protection. I wanted to have an abortion but my parents are Christian and weren't okay with this and promised me that they will help us until we both graduate from college. After we both graduated he proposed to me and we married. I became a teacher at a primary school and he an officer on ships. He worked 4 months on, 4 months off and it sucked as he was away half of the year but I think that kept our relationship away from boredom . It wasn't hard raising the kids when he was gone as we always had our parents by our side and they helped me a lot. We had another 3 kids as we never learned our lesson to use protection ( we don't like condoms and birth control kills my sex drive) .
Last year we celebrated our 20 years of marriage and discused the posibility of having another kid as we are still young and able to do that. His work program changed as he built a hospital with his 2 other brothers and we get a lot of money from the hospital. He still sails as a captain 4 months a year because the pay is very good. We make around 150k dollars a year so we are financial stable to have another kid (we don't live in us and this means a lot in our country) . Our oldest daughter is living alone and our second daghter is going away to college .
Both of us have always lived a healthy life so I am healthy enough to have another kid. I am still working as a teacher and I spent more than half of my life around kids and I have always loved it .
Now you may be wondering where is the problem ? Well , the problem is my body . My body has changed a lot( especially after we had our 3rd kid) and I stopped thinking about myself as a sexy woman a long time ago. My breasts are saggy, my butt is a little too big , my belly looks terrible as I had 4 kids. No matter how much I work out ( which I do around 2-3 times a week) I will never be young and hot again and I think another kid will destroy my body even more. My husband on the other hand has always looked good ( he works out a lot) . Sometimes I even wonder why is he still with me as he has a lot of money, looks good and is smart and funny.
He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful and sexy I am. Then I go to the mirror and compare myself with other woman as I am an idiot . Our sex life has remained the same for our entire relationship as we still have sex almost everyday. ( both of us have high sex drives)
As a father he has always been incredible . All of our kids love him very much. He really wants another kid and deep down I want another one too but first I need to escape of these stupid insecurities that makes my life miserable. I need help about how to improve my self-esteem .
Submitted September 30, 2019 at 01:33PM by Throwaway14828381 https://ift.tt/2oC8bbJ
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