I (F25) am unhappy and want to leave my boyfriend (M37) of 1 year, but I love his kids. I don't want to destroy their family. How do I handle this?

Their parents have 50/50 custody and their dad and I have lived together for about a year (friends for longer). I have a good relationship with their mom and the rest of my boyfriend's family, and his four kids (ages 3-11) and I are very close. I first met them when their dad and I were just friends. For the past year I have put so much effort into adapting to life as a bonus mom with no kids of my own, and it has been a steep learning curve, but I thought I was capable. Over time I have realized that my needs and dreams for the future aren't compatible with this relationship, and I feel incredibly depressed and guilty for it. I was so busy trying to be right for them, I rarely asked myself if this life was right for me. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, but if it weren't for the kids, I would have left already. I have a hard time leaving when they depend on me, not only as a friend or family member but also financially (I pay rent and often cover groceries and odd and ends). I don't want to lose them from my life or hurt them in any way, but that seems impossible if we break up.

TL;DR My relationship isn't right for me and staying means giving up my dreams for my future. I don't know how to do what's right for myself and also my boyfriend's kids. I don't want to abandon them or hurt them more than their parents' divorce already has.

How do I even begin to handle this?

Submitted September 27, 2019 at 10:14AM by throwaway_pebkac https://ift.tt/2lTAvpb