My [32M] wife [30F] has checked out of our marriage and I strongly suspect an affair. I’m at a loss on how to address this with her

Sorry in advance I do need to keep this slightly anonymous. For a bit of context my wife and I have been married for over 5 years and for the past 4-5 months we have been going though the biggest rough patch of our relationship. The primary reason is communication, though there has been a few mistakes made by me in the past which did reduce her trust. We have started seeing a couples therapist in n the last 4 months to help work though some of our issues.

I noticed her pulling away in the last few weeks, so I asked her directly about how she feels. My wife said that she has checked out of our relationship and no longer sees me as a romantic partner. This itself hasn’t made me feel great, and compounding the issue is she’s recently started going out most weekdays after work. When out she either stays out very late or doesn’t come home at all. When out she doesn’t tell me when she’s going out, who she’s going with, or if she’ll be back.

In the past week that I know about She has been texting a guy from work, and I’ve found out he’s one of the people she’s going drinking with. When they were texting I managed to read some messages which strongly implied they slept/did other stuff together. Since she has been messaging him she has been hiding her phone screen when I’m near, and never lets it leaves her sight. We’re normally open about our phone so this is a notable change in behaviour.

Some of the transcript was: Her: I didn’t wanna wake you Him: I’m actually a light sleeper Him: that was really nice btw Her: least I could do Her: 😘

I just want to discuss this as honestly and open as we can, though every time I bring up how uncomfortable he makes me I get brushed off or she gets instantly offended and brings it back on me. I love her like crazy but I feel that If she doesn’t address this I will end things. I can’t stand when she’s out and not knowing if she’s coming home, my brain just goes to the worst places. The trust is already bad enough and is only getting worse as she continues talking to him.

TLDR: Wife has checked out, is staying overnight and won’t tell me where or who she’s with. Receives suspicious text from a guy at her work which strongly suggests an affair is taking place.

Submitted September 30, 2019 at 11:30AM by WhateverThrowAwayyyy https://ift.tt/2mvFdtA