I left the country for two weeks to visit family abroad. During this time my boyfriend was feeling very lonely as I wasn't around, and his other friends were occupied with moving, work and other things at the time.
He asked me if I would be OK with him hanging out with a mutual female friend (aka my best friend.) The day he wanted to do this was also the day of his cousin's funeral. Knowing he was feeling isolated I said it was fine because I trust them both and BFF is also in a long term relationship.
I find out that they have spooned, and she laid her head on his chest during three separate occasions that night. Twice on a couch and once in her bed. They were both drunk. Both of them say that nothing sexual actually happened. No groping, kissing, etc. Just cuddling and they both say it was platonic.
My boyfriend told my BFF not to tell me, because last time they cuddled (in my presence) I found it upsetting. This whole thing happened a week ago, and my BFF said she felt so guilty she was having panic attacks and that's why she told me.
When I asked my boyfriend he told me everything, answered all my questions, and I truly believe it was "only" cuddling and that he is being honest with me. He seems incredibly remorseful and upset with himself, and understands why I am angry with him.
My BFF told me a variation of the story where my boyfriend comes off as overly aggressive and suggestive towards her, and she isn't being very responsive to my questions. She also told all her other close friends before approaching me about the problem, which I find inappropriate.
Also, I know my BFF is overly comfortable with people she isn't that close too. I.e: would walk around in only her underwear indoors with a casual friend over. But in her story she says she never instigated or reciprocated the cuddles. My boyfriend says there was one point where she was the big spoon and another where he wasn't sure and asked if she was OK and she said it was fine.
According to her she said "I kept telling myself it was fine but it wasn't." She seems to be really pushing my boyfriend as an abuser and I think that's just too extreme to be believable. But I hate thinking that she would lie to me on purpose.
It would be out of character for my boyfriend to be aggressive about physical contact and I do believe he checked if she was OK with it because that is behavior I have seen him engage in.
They both genuinely seem guilty and remorseful. But I think my BFF is embellishing things to create a "Good/Bad" side and I'm not sure why. I think they both suck and my boundaries have been broken. I'm angry with both.
My relationship is over 3 years long, I've known both these people for a significant amount of my life. But my cheating policy is no tolerance. I feel hurt and disrespected. But I genuinely believe the cuddling- though intimate- was done with platonic intentions. Not sure if I should drop them both or try to forgive.
TL;DR: I go away. BF and BFF get drunk one night and spoon each other but didn't engage in any sexual acts. They skirted a fine line instead of completely broke it I'm not sure if I should forgive or tell them both to get bent.
Edit: Words is hard.
Submitted September 25, 2019 at 07:39AM by Kamiichi https://ift.tt/2lK5IuZ
1 comment:
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