Hi Reddit - This is kind of a tricky situation, so I’ll do my best to keep it simple.
I have a friend (F/23; let’s call her Julie) who I’ve known since college. She can be sweet, but she can also be, well, a grown-up mean girl. As someone who is pretty mild mannered, her behavior is foreign to me. She’s never been mean to me, but I’ve seen her be downright vicious to others. It’s important to add that she deals with mental illness (treated).
A few years ago, she started dating a man she met online (let’s call him Dave; M/25?). Dave is a nice guy—very reserved and quiet, but nice. Since the start of their relationship, Julie has always found something to complain about when it comes to Dave. Not paying enough attention, being boring, being too quiet, having a crappy family, not helping out around the house enough, etc. Given all these factors, I thought they’d break up but, a few months ago, he proposed.
Julie and I don’t live in the same state (in fact, we haven’t lived in the same state since I graduated college before she did), so I thought it was odd when she called me before she even called her parents to tell them the news of their engagement.
A few weeks ago, Julie texted me and asked me to be in her wedding. I was surprised and a little caught off guard as I didn’t perceive us as being that close. She asked to know as soon as possible and, feeling pressure, I agreed. However, as soon as I did so, I felt...uncomfortable, but couldn’t quite put my finger on why.
Fast forward to two weeks ago: Julie planned a visit to my city to see me and a few other friends who live here. To be honest, I was completely dreading her visit. I found myself doing everything in my power to minimize our time spent together. The visit was nice. She’s always pleasant to me. However, she surprised me by asking me to be her maid of honor. I was shocked and, once again, caught off guard. It was one of the first things she did on her visit, so I felt compelled to say “yes.” The negative feelings I had intensified in the worst way possible. Every morning since, the thought of getting out of the wedding is one of the first things that crosses my mind.
A few factors: - Since college, I’ve become friends with a girl (let’s call her Tina). Tina is one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. She’s become my confidant (and I’ve become hers). She’s never failed to be there for me. She and Julie knew one another in college. While Tina has never breathed a negative word about her, Julie regularly refers to Tina as a “bitch,” “awful human being,” etc., and always questions why I’m friends with her. - As mentioned before, Julie struggles with her mental health. Since I agreed to be her MOH, she’s started treating me as her impromptu therapist via text message. She CONSTANTLY texts about how she’s angry with her fiancé, how she wants to break up with him, how she’s feeling anxious about the wedding, etc. I, too, struggle with depression and anxiety, so her constant (very dramatic) complaints are stressful to say the least. - The more I learn about her relationship, the more uncomfortable I become with endorsing it by standing in her wedding. While she’s not physically abusive, at times, she’s emotionally and verbally abusive to her fiancé. And, in turn, he’s financially abusive and doesn’t treat her like an equal. Honestly, the whole situation seems toxic. - I only get 10 days off per year. However, she’s already told (not asked) me that I will need to take off multiple days in preparation for her bachelorette party and wedding. In the coming year, I’ve planned a family vacation I’ve been saving for for a year and a half, and am planning to take a day or two off to visit my brother once he and his wife welcome their second child.
We’re nearly a full year out, and I already feel wildly anxious. So, Reddit, my question to you is two-fold: 1) Should I back out of this wedding? and 2) If I should, how do I do so without triggering her mental illness?
TL;DR: My friend asked me to be her MOH, but I feel anxious about it given the fact that she can be vicious, is in a toxic relationship, and is disrespectful to my close friend. Should I back out?
Submitted September 26, 2019 at 02:11PM by ZincTablets https://ift.tt/2nyBsn9
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