My best and only friend recommendation that I create a post here and ask you kind strangers for some ideas/input. I know I may sound kind of pathetic but this is the situation.
I am a 38 year old female, went to a good school but never had a career. I married early, at 22 to my high school sweetheart and we have 4 children. Our marriage has been overall okay although I believe this is highly subjective. A couple of months ago, I discovered that my husband has been unfaithful for a long period of time. He is a detective so he could always say he has to go to work at any time, day or night, and know I wouldn’t blink an eye because duh, work! That’s me being naive and dumb, I know. And boy, how many nights of “duty calls” have been! Holidays, kids’ birthdays, anniversaries... He has always been sort of an absent father and husband. We have 2 boys and they do not feel particularly close to their father. They don’t have any hobbies in common, no dad-son activities, no football Sundays, nothing. I have always been the parent that goes to games, meets the teachers, goes to college orientation, etc etc.
I don’t mean to make this TMI but our sex life has been non existent for the most part besides you know, conceiving. My libido isn’t very high anyway so I cannot say it has been bothering me immensely. We sleep in the same bed but he never touches me.
Apologies for rambling. So many thoughts in my head... Back to the issue. Two months ago I did the dirty and snooped through his phone while he was asleep. Initially, I found a bunch of texts from coworkers or work-related people. I was about to abandon the search and shame myself for snooping when I stumbled upon conversations with a woman. He didn’t even bother to have a fake name as her contact, it was her name and picture. She’s young and pretty, maybe 25 years old. Husband has an iPhone so I clicked on that option to show the pictures they shared. Besides the expected risqué pictures from both parties, I found a couple from this girl’s graduation. My husband attended her graduation party and she sent him the picture of them asking “do you remember this? Sweetest picture of us”. She graduated in 2014, per picture, so they had been together at least since then. I felt so numb and disgusted I almost wanted to slap him in his sleep. I got back in bed and watched him for god knows how long. I had lived with this man for nearly 20 years but I don’t know him.
I wanted to bring the texts up in the morning and I even played the whole conversation in my head numerous times. I couldn’t do it. That’s when I realized that I’m too afraid of what might happen. To be clear, he has never even raised his voice at any of us, so I cannot justify why I feel this way. Then I thought of what would happen next. He is the income earner, he owns the house, pays the bills, the kids’ school, our vacations, everything. I am useless, except for being the nanny and housemaid. So for the last 2 months I have been wrecking my brains trying to find a way out. I even looked up some jobs online but at my age and with zero work experience, I’d probably have to go to McDonald’s, which won’t be enough to support 4 kids. I honestly don’t even think that in the case of a divorce he’d fight for the kids. If I get custody, I can’t provide a decent life for them on minimum wage. I came to the realization that this is bigger than me and to swallow my pride and stay quiet about what I discovered. The kids don’t deserve to be uprooted and thrown around.
Am I wrong? Should I do anything different? Thank you... Have a blessed weekend.
TL;DR: I discovered my husband cheating but can’t confront him because I want my kids to continue their life as it is
Submitted September 28, 2019 at 04:13PM by iDontKnowWhat1970 https://ift.tt/2mGk6EM
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