Background/basics:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a bit over 2 years. We’ve never had any major issues and generally are very likeminded. We enjoy traveling, outdoorsy/thrill seeking activities, and share the same passion of snowboarding.
We do not live together. She lived with her parents up until last month. I live in Airbnb’s/hotels about 150-175 days a year. Another 50-60 days I spend in my (shared with friends) mountain house. The remaining days I spend at my parents house... Ok I’m kind of homeless. November-May, we spend almost every weekend together in my mountain house. She also frequently comes with me on work trips, so even though I’m not around often, she’s with me most of the time. She’s always happy about traveling, whether we go to exciting new countries or boring fly over states.
She recently graduated college and is now back in a new school pursuing her degree in law. So, she moved out of her parents house and is now living in an apartment just off campus at her new school - about 45mins-1hr away... not a huge deal. Also she incredibly intelligent, and is attending grad school on a full ride. Her family is “religious” when they feel like it, and wouldn’t have supported her financially because they don’t understand why women need to be educated. I don’t want to make them sound like terrible people, they aren’t... if “Staten island Roman Catholic” was a way to describe someone, they would be the poster family. She’s not like them, though.
When things start getting weird:
So, now a few weeks into the semester and she’s acting uncharacteristically. Now - don’t get me wrong - I understand law school is HARD, and it can really take a toll on you. But now we are beyond “first semester stress” and have crossed into a new territory. I try to accommodate her as best as I can, but as someone with 0 knowledge of law, the most I can do is support her outside of school and encourage her when possible.
“Space” # 1:
At this point I’m seeing her 1-2x a week. Not as often as we wished, but I know she’s slammed with school and I’m equally slammed with work. One night we’re together and she breaks down in tears saying she is so confused, so lost, so stressed and tired, she doesn’t even want to live anymore. She also says she’s stressed from our relationship because she feels like she is not being the gf that I deserve and it’s unfair to me and she needs some space so she can focus on herself.
Fine. I get it. I stress to her that she owes me nothing and should never feel that way, and I understand she has a lot on her plate. We go about a week without talking much, occasionally she would text me saying “I love you” and I would reciprocate. But I gave her space like she asked.
The following week, we see each other everything is fine. I am doing everything on her terms.
The week goes by, everything is normal-ish. I can tell something isn’t 100% right but I wanted to wait till we talked in person again before bringing it up.
“Space” #2:
I finally get a chance to sit down and talk with her. I simply ask “what’s wrong babe?” She immediately starts hysterically crying. Statements from her include- “I don’t love myself, I hate myself” “I am numb, I’m an emotionless shell of a person” “I don’t think about anyone but myself, and I don’t even think about myself anymore” “I wish I just got cancer and died” “I want to kill myself but I’m too much of a pussy to do it” “I mentally cannot be in a relationship right now” “I love you so much and can’t lose you” “If we break up and oh didn’t wait for me I’d probably kill myself”
The conversation ended with us “breaking up” so she could figure out how to “love herself again”. I was calm, cool, and collective the entire time (thank you, Xanax). The break up was her call - yet she wouldn’t stop hugging me to let me go and kept kissing me and repeatedly telling me she loves me.
Now here I am. Very lost. Giving her whatever space she needs. What the fuck do I do? Like, I know when people ask for space you NEED to give it to them or you’re fucked.
But I am scared for her. Ignoring our relationship - I’m worried about her. Can I contact her friends? Her family? Her therapist?
Also, she texted me today (day 2 after breakup) and said “I love you so so much”
Shit.
TLDR: school has her stressed out to the point where nothing makes sense and she wants to die. And we broke up. I’m not sure where to turn.
Shit.
Edit: thank you all for your responses. I am a bit shocked (and disgusted) this can be considered “normal” for a grad student. I will do my best to make sure she is supported (from a distance) and possibly seeks help with the schools services.
Submitted September 29, 2019 at 06:15PM by Confusedbf0929 https://ift.tt/2m9J27r
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