I posted this on a forum last night but didnt get much response, so this is just copy paste
So he has mental health issues he struggles with. When we got together 6 years ago he started being abusive within months, it got very bad, but never hospital or completely mess me up bad. I ended up getting pregnant- and during one of these fights he threw a glass ash tray at me and grabbed me, pushed me to the ground, got on top of me and started choking me. Our at the time room mates had to pull him off of me, only because they heard me scream before he started choking me. I should have left then but my name was not on the apartment but his was along with my friends (3 others lived there) and my friend and room mate said: if YOU need to leave I understand. I didnt have anywhere to go, so I didnt. I got him to go to therapy, and we did joint sessions together. This helped, things got a little better and less.physical. still crazy. I told him if he ever touched me again I would leave and not let our child see that. Therapy did us a lot of good and helped him realize when he was gas lighting me but werent completely truthful about all he put me through. He was leaving for basic and I told myself either that helped or it was done And it did- he cut back drinking as well. We still fought sometimes but not nearly as bad and not abusive. Then he was deployed and became amazing. No one would ever know he was abusive because he sticks up for people and cares for them, he takes care of himself and his health, we had another kid during that deployment and he has been a great father to our kids- he is the dad everyone wants and helps around the house, eith the kids, everything. He communicates amazingly, respects my spaces, all of that. He has never been like this- his mental health is better than ever. But it's not perfect, he still struggles with depression a lot. I think he gets suicidal as well. What he did has had a huge impact on me- but that's a whole other story for another time. Btw we have been married fr four years, right when our daughter was born. He has not touched me, aggressively, in four years.
Tonight our son, who is really hard to deal with, he does the most, hes just one of those kids. Well hes a toddler. He was doing something he shouldnt over and over and weve told him not to before, told him multiple times tonight. Well the third time my husband went and grabbed him off the floor and basically yelled a very stern no, but I grabbed our son and told him not to do that and he was like -well he has to learn -I dont care do not do that you could have hurt him -no I couldnt have -dont do it -okay but I couldnt have hurt him And then I meant to say "whatever just dont do it I didnt like it" but I actually said "DONT HURT HIM" And he was like okay whatever and dropped what he was doing and went to the back room and just didnt come out
So after a long while I went back there but the kids followed me and I said "I'm sorry i yelled at you i wasnt comfortable with how you reacted and i dont agree with it but i should have handled it better" and he didnt responde and the kids were begging for him to come play so I started saying "look I'm saying sorry I should have handled it better talk to me I dont know if you are mad that I yelled or what-" And he said: "it was how you looked at me" And I was like "what" And he was like "your face was full of disgust and trauma and all the terrible things I've done" And I was like "what" And he was like "you've looked at me with disgust before"
And then our kids were all over him and wanted him to come out and play so he did and then we put them to bed- were moving so were all sleeping on a big floor mattress right now- and after the kids fell asleep I realize he did too, but on the floor by the mattress, after being sad/down all evening. Be did that intentionally, he has a pillow and blanket with him
So I just dont know what to do or think or say or just let it go
*update: he was very distant this morning, has not called today and just seems gloomy. Still a few hours before he gets off work.
Submitted September 26, 2019 at 02:50PM by yellownoises https://ift.tt/2nDkRPd
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