I’m (M/40) having some really terrible problems in my marriage to my wife (F/38). We have been married for 13 years, with 2 daughters, 8 and 6. For the past few years I’ve been very distant, and I’m trying to rebuild that bond. My wife is a saint for sticking with me trough the financial mess that I have caused, and I was up until 1 year ago a frequent viewer of porn. She was very upset when i disclosed that we had money issues (not awful) but kinda deep. And that is watched porn, and felt that it was cheating on her. After a year of therapy with a psychologist I’ve solved my issues with porn and we have paid off a ton of debt, which are both great.
During the summer, my wife goes to a summer camp with our kids. I stay home and work and go there 2 nights a week and on weekends. It’s a family type community, very close quarters. It’s tough for me when they are away, but the camp is good for our kids, and it’s only an hour away from our house, so it’s cool. This is a generational camp, and my wife has known many of the people there her whole life.
Well, about two months ago I left the restaurant on site to put my kids to bed at the cottage. I stayed with them and my wife stayed out. I woke up at 6 am and discovered that she had not come back yet. I pinged her iPhone and discovered that she was at another guy’s (45/M) cottage. I called the phone and she came back to our cottage and told me she slept at her bother’s cottage because she didn’t want to come home and wake up the kids. I didn’t really confront her on it, until a couple of days later I found that she had talked to this other guy on the phone for about 1 hour. Then I called her on it. I asked her what had happened that night and she told me that she she got drunk with a bunch of people at his cottage, and then she blacked out and passed out. I took that as it was, and kind of brushed it off.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened. I woke up, pinged her phone at 6:35 am and it was at that cottage again. I immediately went over to that cottage, and called the phone. It rang with no answer. Then I called again and it went straight to voicemail. I kind of stood there outside the cottage for a minute, then went and sat in my car for a bit, to see if she would come out. About 5 minutes had passed, then i saw her walking through the parking lot. I asked her if she had stayed there again, and she was visibly still drunk. She said that she was in the bathroom and just going back to her brothers cottage again. This was at 6:45am. She was upset that I was spying on her. So she went to sleep at her brothers cottage, I went back to ours, and got my kids and went home. She came home and apologized to me, and said that she blacked out again and passed out there by mistake. She said that nothing happened.
Stupidly, I left her to stay out in a similar situation a week later. I set my alarm and woke up at 4am and she was not at our cottage again. I immediately called her. She answers and said she was coming back to our cottage, and she did. Really drunk. She apologized for being out late again and she passed out. I looked at her text messages. I found that she had texted this guy to come to the restaurant/bar on the camp site, be he didn’t want to because “fuckface” was there, I assume that was me. But I’m pretty sure he met up with her there. I also read on the messages that he was saying that he really likes her. So I got really upset and woke her up to discuss. She assured me that she had no interest in him at all, but they have known each other their whole lives and everyone at camp is just friends. This guy is a divorced 45 year old guy. His wife left him for another man apparently. So I’m skeptical of his intentions.
I asked her to stop talking to him. So she said that she did.
At the beginning of this month, I found out that he has a WhatsApp account that was established the day after i asked her to stop talking to him. I asked her if this was just a coincidence, or if she is still carrying on conversations with him. She got pretty defensive, accusing me of spying and such, and she deleted her account. This deletes all of the messages, so i can’t even read them. She still has her account and so does he and they are both online at the same time almost every day. She says that she isn’t talking to him and actually showed me some messages that he had sent to her in the couple of conversations that they had had on WhatsApp. She says nothing is going on.
TL;DR Basically, I screwed up our finances because I was not upfront with her about porn use. I got help and have paid off a bunch of debt over the last year. She stuck by me, now I think she is having some type of relationship outside the marriage based on her behavior the last 2 months in person and texting apps. She says nothing is going on, and i need to trust her.
Should I believe her and get out of this depression I’m feeling, or does she have more to answer for? I hate making her mad, but this is killing me inside.
Submitted September 27, 2019 at 10:18AM by BertTreb79 https://ift.tt/2o0a2H2
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