I'm (31f) considering leaving my boyfriend (31m) 2 years after he cheated on me because I just realized how much time he spent on it.

I found out 2 years ago that my boyfriend had a short affair. It was already over when I found out. I was on the fence, but ultimately decided to stay with him and work it out (we had just moved into a new house together and our lives were completely entangled).

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It was a hard couple of years. It was very very hard work for me to get over it and involved a lot of therapy etc. We went 10 months with no sex (I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him). He admitted they didn't use birth control and I was disgusted and hurt. I raged a lot over this affair.

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To my understanding, he saw her only about 3 times before he ended it. I knew basically where she was (a different city I haven't been to).

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This weekend for his work he had to go near where this city was and asked me to come along. However. It triggered me badly. Going there made me realize just how much work he put into going to see this woman (he concocted lies about where he was and went there on weekends). It is a serious time commitment to get there. This really upset me for some reason. If she had lived closer I wouldn't be as angry on some level as stupid as this sounds. When I became upset, he also let it slip that he went there 5 times (not the 3 I previously believed).

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This weekend made me realize I'm so not over this. It also made it very clear exactly how hard he worked to have sex with this woman, all the lies he told me and that he traveled there 2 times more than I had previously thought. He wasted SO much time and energy (not to mention milage on our car!) to have sex with this woman in hotels.

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I have left our home for tonight, but I'm unsure what to do. I've told him I don't think this is going to work. He says things have gotten so much better and we've made great progress and it's crazy to through it away now because I got triggered 2 years after the event.

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Am I being stupid over this?

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tldr: this weekend made me realize my boyfriend went to a LOT of effort to have an affair 2 years ago and I've only fully realized it now and I think I want to leave.

Submitted September 22, 2019 at 05:43PM by QuietPea https://ift.tt/2kPqKYI