I love my family dearly. Sure they get on my nerves but thats what family does. However, this past year, tension has rose between my mom and I. I'm going off to college in August and I am the oldest so I'm pretty much the tester child for everything. A little bit of background of me and my moms dynamic: between the ages of 9-13 we had a tough time getting a long. We would argue over things like what I was wearing, my weight, my skin, how I looked, how I acted, etc. I remember her calling me "a worthless whore"once because I wanted to wear a tank top and a skirt to a friends birthday while it was raining. I was 10. This broke my heart as how could my mom tell me I was worthless. As I got older she would beliddle me about my weight and tell me I needed to workout or eat less as I was getting fat and my stomach was showing.
She'd make comments about the cellulite on my thighs and tell me its gross and I need to workout. This really hurt my self esteem and later developed into eating disorders. I was able to kick my anorexia and bulimia before it got to a worse point but I continued to feel negative about my appearance. It also didn't help when she would point out every blemish I had on my face. Being 12 and going theiugh puberty, no one wants to hear that. I confronted on my mom last year twlling her how much she hurt me with her words and how much she made me hate myself. I told her that I reread old journals where I described what she would say to me and how I felt. My mom cried and told me ahe never meant to hurt me like that. She was actually just trying to help me as geowing up she had her parents and uncle commenting on her weight and making her awful in her own skin so she wanted to make sure I didn't fall down her path. She apologized and we were okay for a while.
My senior year of high school rolls around and shes acting crazy. She keeps telling me, as she had for 4 years, that I was staying home and commuting to community college. I didn't have a problem with this as this is what I had been told for years that I was staying home and plus it would save money. She changed her mind around November and told me I could apply to colleges and go if I got in. This shook me up and left me feeling weird as I had it in my head I was staying home for another year. My friends convinced me that I need to go out and explore the world, so I began to apply to colleges.
My mom and i have been butting heads since I turned 18. I'm legally an adult, but she keeps trying to make me a child. When I go to my boyfriends house and I drive, my curfew is 10 pm. I was able to drive to his beach house a few weeks ago, which I really appreciate, but I was using bluetooth googlemaps and she decided to call me and I couldnt hear my directions and missed a turn. I told her what happened and said I'll call you later. She went ape shit and started calling my boyfriends mom and blowing up her phone, worrying that I had crashed or if I would make it there at all. I cleared it up when I arrived and told her to not call when Im driving and just text me. She also keeps telling me she can't wait for me to leave and wishes I would leave now all because my room isn't clean. I also tried to sleepover at my boyfriends house (his parents wouldnt have minded, they let his 16m brother have his 17f gf spend the night) and she lost it. She kept saying that I need to stop playing house and that I am not an adult till im 35 and pay bills. This was my final straw. As much as I love my mom, I am an adult. It makes me upset at the lack of respect she has for me. I know I sound like a brat but she is smothering me and its almost like shes scared of me going off to college and leaving. The way shes acting makes me not want to come home at all when I leave. I'm tired with being treated like that, I'm tired of being screamed at daily over minor things.
Tonight I came back from this dog sitting job I have and she berated me for not saying where I was going. I was confused as my dad saw me leave and I go the same place every night. This turned into a screaming match about how I don't pay bills, I don't have a job, I'm a child until I pay up, she'll make sure I stay home from college,this is her house and how I need to grow up. Im sick and tired of being treated this way. She threatens to ground me all the time and take away my car as its "hers"...no honey you dont work. Its dads and its his money. And I am working in some way. I had a job and quit due to management treating me poorly and instead of working I was doing summer school,at her demand, inatead of getting a job. I have money saved up from my old job and have at least $400 comming in from my house sitting/pet sitting jobs. She acts like I don't do anything around the house but I'm sorry I feel depressed and just don't mentally feel motivated to do anything. Like The way she treats me just makes me want to run away or end it. Ahe likes to find things and hang them over my head basically as blackmail. Such as threatening to kick me out or not help pay for college .
She hasn't asked me once to pay any bills and I pay for my own gas. She told me I would pay for insurance but kept changing the month I would need to start paying, so I'm confused on if she wants me to pay. I'm trying to start online things to get money, just extra pocket change. But a part of me feels like if I did take on all my bills, I still wouldn't be treated like an adult and that she'd find another excuse of why I'm immature and why I'm still not an adult. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? It feela like my mom is just a bully to me. I love her dearly but I hate being expected to give respect and not get it back. And i feel like if I did try to talk to her again, it will turn into a screaming match and she'll punish me in someway.
TL;DR- mom and I have had a rocky relationship due to her basically bullying me over my weight, cellulite, acne, etc and i respect everything she has done for me. But I'm tired of being the experimental child and want total freedom but im scared if i take on all my bills she'll take away something else and hang that over my head to assert her "dominace" and show Im not an "adult"
Submitted July 06, 2019 at 09:46PM by Zaitlinspf https://ift.tt/2LF9YpV
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