My [f34] marriage with my husband [m38] is falling apart before my eyes which started when I got pregnant nearly 3 years ago

My husband [m38] and I [f34] met at work and have been together since which has been 5 years now. Things were great in the bedroom until I got pregnant. I had a miserable pregnancy where I ended up gaining 80+ lbs. Things were dead in the bedroom because I felt awful constantly with a crazy list of issues. After I gave birth I lost over 70lbs in the first 3 weeks. I got an IUD due to being terrified of having to go through that nightmare again.

21 months since I gave birth things are still completely dead in the bedroom. We both work full-time jobs and both make the same amount (my point being it is a 50/50 contribution). I do all the cooking, mowing the yard most weeks, cleaning (dishes, cleaning after animals, floors, etc), and take care of the baby when we are at home. He does handle most of the laundry and weed wacks the yard 1-2 times a month. It is frustrating to do the extra work but I deal with it.

Today, I actually understood why I don't try to pursue him more in the bedroom. He is almost always complaining that something hurts like his neck, back, shoulder, and/or arm multiple times a day. I have given up on trying to help him because he doesn't listen or refuses to try anything I suggest but he also refuses to go to the doctor for anything. I do understand not going to the doctor for every little sniffle but IMO if it is bad enough to complain about constantly for several weeks/months then it is bad enough to go to the doctor. How can I pursue someone in the bedroom who is always complaining of being in pain?

Besides the bedroom issues, I feel taken for granted. I don't make a big deal out of holidays/birthdays but it is nice when someone thinks of me during these times. Mother's day, my husband handed me a card that he literally just went to the store and got and said he didn't have time to write anything in it. He didn't even sign his name or put the card in the envelope. Something as simple as breakfast in bed would have been great. Just something that showed he thought about me and appreciated me.

My birthday, he forgot until my dad called me to wish me a happy birthday. He then went to harbor freight to get me a workbench I was looking at the week before but they were out. It was however on sale so he got a rain check and handed it to me when he got home. There was never a word about that workbench again and here we are 8 months later.

Just for a bit of perspective, on Father's day, I painted a wooden panel that hangs on the wall which said Dad & (daughters name) with lots of photos of the 2 of them together attached using wooden clips. I spent months on this for him. It is sitting in the closet now. For his birthday, I planned out the entire day with a sitter, dinner, movie and Dave and Busters and of course a card from our daughter and me.

Anytime I try to talk to my husband about fixing us, he immediately starts to cry and assumes I am kicking him out and ending the relationship which I would never do that. I ask him for suggestions but I get 0 input. I love my husband and I do want us to be a family but I feel like we are parents who are just staying together for the kid. I feel neglected. How can I make this work and get through to him? How can I get things going in the bedroom nearly 3 years of having a dead bedroom? I am not ready to throw in the towel.

TL;DR

My [f34] marriage with my husband [m38] is falling apart before my eyes which started when I got pregnant nearly 3 years ago. We have not had sex since our daughter was concieved nearly 3 years ago.

Submitted July 30, 2019 at 06:41PM by gam3rgrl https://ift.tt/2Ou7CNE