I am extremely stressed so I’m mostly coming here to vent to myself. If anyone would like to offer genuine advice, that would be nice.
My (24f) STBXH (27m)and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 4 year old son together. When we met we were in the army, so we did not pay rent because we lived in the barracks. Once we both got out, we lived in his parents guest house, which again we did not pay rent. At this point neither of us were financially responsible because we never really had to be. We were never late on our bills but we had no idea the true value of a dollar. Last September we moved across county to my home state. We got our first apartment, and I got a job 2 days after moving. I make great money (100k/yr), he was unemployed for 7 months and played Xbox all day while our son went to daycare (that of course, along with the rent, I paid for.) after 7 months of sitting on his ass, he got a job that pays $30k/yr.
Over this last year I’ve fallen out of love with him. He has been gaslighting me, controlling me, and has shoved me on a few occasions during a fight. Along with his lack of motivation and racking up $25k in credit card debt just in 10 months, I realized I cannot spend the rest of my life with someone like this.
When I initialed the divorce 2 weeks ago I agreed I would help him get on his feet. I told him he can live in the apartment until our lease is up in October (in my mind 3 months is plenty of time to save up for your own place) ALSO! I gave him $2,000 cash for a head start. I’ve also been giving him $500 a month to help him pay down his credit cards because he claims he bought stuff “that we needed for the apartment” lol y’all should see his action figure collection. He won’t even let me see credit card statements. I guess $500 is not enough because he still thinks I should be paying more to help him.
So while I’m paying rent ($1250) daycare ($650) his and my insurance ($480) utilities ($200) and my separate bills, he still thinks I’m obligated to give him more money to help him pay down the credit cards since it’s stuff he bought for our apartment, so he can move out. Keep in mind I don’t have physical access to any of these cards, never have.
He now says he can’t move out in October, it’s “not enough time” and he wants us to sign another 6 month lease together. LMFAO! Ok of course he does! Who wouldn’t want their rent paid for??? He also refuses to get a roommate. He says it’s best that we’re roommates because I work 11 a.m-9p.m Monday-Friday and my spouse picks our son up at 6 p.m everyday since I’m at work. My soon to be ex thinks it would be better just to live together so I wouldn’t have to come pick my soon up every night after 9 p.m. I’m so fucking stressed. I’m the one covering and handling everything for the divorce . Even though I make more than enough money, I still seem to never have much left over after I get paid because of him.
I told him I’m getting off the insurance and he needs to start paying his own, he says I should still pay for it because he paid for it the first couple years we were married. I mentioned that’s because we split bills evenly back then and we WERE FUCKING MARRIED. We’re not together anymore! I do not need to be paying his monthly bills when I’m already covering all the joint expenses. His truck payment is $610 a month, I mentioned he needs to trade it in for a shittier car that has a payment around $200 a month because he needs to save. He says he shouldn’t do this because the truck is almost paid off (lol he still has 2.5 years) and all the payments he made would have been for nothing.
This is unfair to me. I can’t heal and grow when I’m still living with/supporting my STBXH.
What do y’all think? Is October enough time for a grown man to find this own place?
Tl;dr STBXH wants us to live together as roommates while I pay all the bills.
Submitted July 30, 2019 at 07:12AM by stressednotimpressed https://ift.tt/311YgtX
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