tl;dr:
I have a pretty great, loving relationship with my boyfriend, however the fact that he is unemployed is really starting to annoy me and I feel like it is a deal-breaker for me - but I don't know if it's unreasonable to break up with him over that reason alone when we love each other.
He is 23, just started his Bachelors of Business Information Systems and is about to go to school two days a week. After turning 18 and graduating high school, he spent a couple of years doing nothing but sitting at home playing video games ("speedrunning" as he and his online friends call it) then doing a year course on game design, and another year diploma course on software development.
We had a chat like 8 months ago about him working and how I really wanted him to be able to find some form of part time work, because he is going to struggle immensely when he's older if he doesn't. He's never worked a day in his life and he was going to wait until he graduated at 26 to find work with his degree, but I questioned his employability as having a degree doesn't guarantee a job. He promised he'll find something.
Fast forward 8 months, nothing has changed. He hadn't found work. Every time he's actually even applied for jobs, it was always when he was over at my house and I've had to lecture or really get upset about it for him to actually go and apply for jobs. I've spent hours weekly looking for job listings appropriate for him, trying to make his resume better, etc and it's just getting tiring for me. He had a really big school break of nearly nine weeks which I remember telling him he better use that time wisely and maybe even find work, because you have 9 weeks where you're sitting at home doing nothing. Now, we're at the point where his school is starting in a week and he's found nothing. So I found the website of a few local shopping centers close to his home, pulled out the store directory and told him to print out a huge stack of resumes to just hand out to as many stores as possible directly. He told me the night prior that he had plans to go to three large shopping center/malls and hand out resumes. I found out today that he only printed 7 because his printer ran out of paper and only intended to hand his resumes to 7 stores, when there are so many ways he could go about printing more like just go and get more paper, or go to a local printing shop (there are plenty near his house).
The reason why I want him to work so badly despite not living together is because we do (or did) intend to be together for the rest of our lives - and I knew that if he didn't work now, he will really struggle to find a job in the future as someone who is in their mid to late 20s who had never worked a day in their life. I also have big dreams for my life - I want to be able to have enough money for a house deposit before I am 26, I want to be able to have enough money to travel for the first time in my life, etc. It's also going to be even harder when he is older to find a job, even more so now, due to his lack of experience. I am 21, but about to work my third job and it’s a pretty good position at a major bank (I’m in my first year of a Business degree too) so I feel like I’m also being held back a little by him? idk
There are other small things as well, one of which is whenever there is a disagreement about something or he does something wrong, the way he chooses to react or end these arguments is to throw a tantrum and just leave the room/house for hours. In hindsight, a lot of our arguments or disagreements never go anywhere, because he just throws a tantrum and leaves, and then because I miss him I just look for him and we just move on. For example there was this thing that happened early on in our relationship where he was messaging a girl who he used to have feelings for regularly in our relationship, calling each other nicknames, talking about past memories, he talked about going to the beach with her, etc etc but he said it wasn't "anything" but at some point I got fed up over it and tried to break up with him over it, so he blocked her.
He lives at home with his mother and his sister (his parents divorced a few years ago) and his sister is my age (21) but also doesn't work or drive like him. His mother coddles him a lot too (does everything for him) but also has episodes where she lashes out (lashed out at him for not being home all the time and over at my house instead) and I've noticed a lot of like.... emotional manipulation (?) and self deprecating lines in a sense? A lot of lines like "Stay at her house. Stay as long as you'd like! It's fine. I'll be OK on my own at home. I love you a lot, just stay there, it's fine. I'm just being a mummy's bear as usual - I'm everyone's mummy's bear." and I've noticed this a lot towards my boyfriend to me, where he becomes very emotionally manipulative a lot of times ("I know I suck. I don't deserve you. You're too good for me.") stuff like that whenever I bring up something bad, and a lot of times I can see through it so easily because he does it over and over again. I don't 100% blame him though because I think a lot of it just stems from his family and upbringing, and it's not really a deal-breaker for me. Also, he says goodnight to his mum every night because she requested it, so he goes to his mother’s room and chats for a bit every night and idk it just seems weird for someone his age
tl;dr; My boyfriend (23) is unemployed and I (21) don't feel optimistic about our financial situation as a couple in the future. I still love him a lot, and he is there for me in every other way besides his work situation, and I don't know if I am being too harsh/need to look past this because we love each other. Opinions?
Edit: It's only been a minute since I've posted this but I think I've made up my mind. I will continue believing in him because I know he would do the same thing for me if the roles were reversed, and I can't imagine a future without him.
Submitted July 26, 2019 at 12:07AM by okbianca https://ift.tt/2yhQOyt
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