Tl;dr - I’m so unhappy and unfulfilled, but he is a good person. I want to leave my spouse, I’m pretty sure he knows it, I feel so completely terrible. I don’t know how to navigate this. Especially with my dad here visiting?! and I feel just wrecked about knowing I’m going to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.
I really care about him so much. He is a good person. A great person. He is kind, generous, funny, loyal, hardworking, responsible intelligent, creative, supportive... but I have been so lonely and have had to give up so much because he is also very anti social, a homebody, kind of emotionally unavailable... generally just a tired, quiet, unenthusiastic person. I spent my whole adult life so far not doing things I really wanted to do because he didn’t want to do them. Simple things. Like going to a concert. Or trying kayaking. I know I should have just made friends or done them alone. But I want a partner to do things with at least some of the time. And I have told him that in the past and maybe he would appease me for a weekend but then it’d just revert back. I’m talking, go to dinner twice a year. Go to a movie once a year. Drive 3 hours away once every other year to rent a cabin for 3 days. And we haven’t done that in 4 years now. Neither one of us really have any friends. We haven’t hung out with another person other then family in.... 6 months? Idk. And it’s so rare. Once or twice a year. We did do other fulfilling things like buy a home and get a dog. We’ve spent so much time talking and getting to know each other. But the age difference, I think it’s just finally a real issue. He is 45. He does not want to do the same things as me. I am 30. I mean, I have never even gone to a bar to have drinks with friends. I have to go to weddings alone because he won’t attend. Just so many simple things. We also have only had sex 2-5x a year for the past 5 years, at least. I’m sure much of that is my fault because it’s hard for me to initiate in general, but especially when I’m feeling so depressed.
I stupidly developed feelings for someone else. It started 6 weeks ago. I have NOT cheated, honest. But I have feelings (which may as well be cheating) and I can’t keep lying to myself or to my spouse. I never meant for this to happen, I can’t even understand how it did. Nothing like this has ever happened before, but I just connected with him. I want to go on a date with this person. Something else I have never done. I have never actually gone on a date. Because I just met my spouse, we hung out, and suddenly we were living together and in a serious relationship. I was so young. I thought he was everything I wanted. I thought I could look past these things because of everything he is otherwise. But I just can’t anymore. I want to experience life. He wont even daydream with me. “wouldn’t it be so cool to visit Iceland, see the northern lights?” “Eh.” It actually hurts me.
I don’t want to leave him FOR another man. I want to leave him for myself and get to experience things I never have before. I’m so heartbroken though. Sell our house? Make him start over at 45?? Will he ever find anyone else because he literally does not socialize or leave the house other then to go to work? He is my family. We have a dog and a cat, how do I take them from him? Or how do I lose them? How do I lose him? He has been my rock through so many things. I care about him so deeply. I feel so incredibly guilty and just like the worst human on earth. My friend said I could stay with her if shit hits the fan, and she is potentially looking for a roommate soon. I have never lived on my own. I’ve never been “single” as an adult or even as a teenager really. I want to just be on my own. Date. Make friends again. Think about my career. Figure out who I am.
To make matters completely worse, my dad is visiting right now and is staying with us until August 27! I do not know how to have this conversation with my spouse, with my dad in the house. Even if we have a couple hours alone, then what? My dad comes back and I’m like heyyyy I just wrecked my whole life with my spouse, what do you wanna do tomorrow? And he knows something is up, this conversation is coming soon whether I like it or not because I have been noticeably distant. Before my dad got here, like 2-3 days before (so a week and a half ago), I did tell him I was so unhappy and unfulfilled, questioning everything, feeling like I missed out on so much, was talking to someone else but that I did not cheat. He said he understood, I did sacrifice a lot to be with him. But he asked me if I was telling him it’s over, time to sell the house? And I said no, I love him. Because that’s how I felt then. But now i feel, I don’t know. I just want to be happy and I’m not.
How do I end such a significant relationship? How do I hurt someone like this? With my DAD in the house? I’ve felt unfulfilled and stagnant in life for so many years. But I would rather be hurt then hurt someone else. But I just can’t anymore. I want to be happy. I am devastated.
Submitted July 27, 2019 at 04:06AM by mayonnaisepies https://ift.tt/2Yvm7Vs
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