This all happened last night.
I live at home with both my parents. I joking around with them about getting an engagement ring from my boyfriend of over 2 years when my dad said "Are you sure he's the one." I said "Yes of course!" (But we are not planning on getting married for another 3 years). And then my dad said something along the lines of him being concerned that my boyfriend might not wanna help me do things around the house and that he doesn't want my future husband to just work 9 to 5 and come home and do nothing. My mom just agreed and said he doesn't seem very ambitious. I replied that he is not like that at all. I knew I would get upset so I just left and went upstairs.
For context my boyfriend is almost done his first year of school for electrical engineering. He is in school full time right now and paying for it himself. He started school late because he did one semester of university right after high school, but didn't like the program. He then worked a bunch of labour jobs and saved $60,000 in the process. He worked 12 hours multiple times, and went up north to the oil rigs and worked night shift in those years off from school. He is very smart and wants to own an engineering firm/business one day.
My mistake was coming back downstairs because I felt all flustered and confused. I wanted to know exactly why they thought this about my boyfriend. My dad was no longer in the room so I asked my mom why she thought he wasnt ambitious. She said well he doesn't have a part time job (which he doesn't really need one but has been lately talking about working at Starbucks), he lives at home and his mom takes car of him (well he pays rent and she doesn't do any chores for him or anything), and he doesn't seem like he would help around the house (but he vacuums, does dishes & laundry, and mows the lawn at his house, while also helping me with my car, editing my papers, ect.). Then I told her that he pays rent and she just got all mad at me and deflective. She started yelling at me how I don't help enough around here because she was doing dishes while I was talking to her.
I told my boyfriend over text that I was so upset and that my parents think he won't help me around the house or work extra hours if needed. I felt like they were insinuating that he isnt good enough. I made clear that I don't think that but I know my boyfriend is upset my parents think this. It also makes it worse that his parents adore me. While mine just like him and think hes "fine".
I don't know if it makes a difference but I am going into my 3rd year of business school and I work as a lifeguard/swim instructor once a week during the school year. I don't pay my parents rent, they pay for my school, and my mom is a stay at home mom who does my laundry and cooks supper almost every night for our family.
How do I handle my parents and what do I do to make my boyfriend feel better
EDIT: I just talked to my mom and I think she was thinking that because she is frustrated at my dad for not helping her around the house. My parents own a business and my mom works until 10 at night sometimes. I told her all the things my boyfriend does around the house and she said that she's glad if it's not like that between us. She says she has no problem with him.
TL;DR: Parents dont think my boyfriend is ambitious enough. I don't think this is true but I am upset and so is my boyfriend. How do I fix this situation?
Submitted July 30, 2019 at 05:54AM by canadian_lifeguard https://ift.tt/3154gSI
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