My husband and I have been married for less than 6 months, together for 3 years. We have lived together before and chores were never an issue. He chose his tasks and I chose mine and we both did them regularly. The house was clean and I was happy.
Last semester was stressful on both of us. One of our dogs became terminally ill, we were in the process of moving, our wedding was coming up, I was working full-time and doing school full-time. Things slipped around the house, understandably. My husband really stepped up and took on some things that I didn't have time to do even though they were my chores. I am so, so grateful for him.
However, after the move it seems like he isn't doing anything. We're both not working yet, we'll start in August and we've been in the new place about 3 weeks. I have done all the work of getting us furniture that we were missing or as replacements for what we had sold before we moved, setting up our utilities, and figuring out things like trash day. I've stocked the pantry, cleaned the bathrooms, done laundry and general cleaning several times now. He's done the dishes once after I cried that I didn't feel appreciated for basically planning the move, setting up the new home, and keeping it running smoothly.
We've had this conversation over and over in the past few months: I am de facto the household manager and I don't want to be. I want him to be a real adult and notice that things need taking care of and just doing it. I've started to think that I could live on my own and not feel resentful with the amount of household labor I do. I'm going to be full-time again in August and I'm worried. I told my husband I understand if things go a little longer than usual come fall, but it won't bother me as long as laundry is in the basket and dishes are in the sink, not scattered wherever. It's already not happening.
I try to leave things so he has to do them but that is passive aggressive and it's not helping anyway. The dishes wherever just irritate me and I don't know what to do. I've asked him directly to do things - he says he will and then doesn't. I've asked him what he is going to do around the house - he picks things and then doesn't do them. I tell him I'm frustrated with doing everything - he says I Appreciate The Work You've Done and then nothing else. He is capable and knows how to do things. When he found something online he wanted, he arranged to meet with the owner to purchase it. But I asked him to finish getting the last few things we needed (vacuum, some shelves) and it didn't happen. He bought a lawnmower, mowed the back yard, decided it was "broken" and hasn't tried to fix it.
I don't know what else to do. I feel disrespected and almost inferior? Like, he gets to use this time to do things he wants and I'm still the one taking care of everything behind the scenes. Like, he gets to live in a nice place that's clean and comfortable but doesn't have to do any of the work. I want an equal partnership. Please help me.
TL;DR New husband is suddenly MIA around the house when he wasn't before. Nothing I say is getting through to him. If I wanted to take care of another person like a mom, I'd just be a mom.
Submitted July 27, 2019 at 10:07AM by KTSunshineFrands4evr https://ift.tt/2OnDYK8
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