I (F33) didn’t do a favour for my husband (M36) and he is giving me silent treatment and locked me out of parts of the house. How should I approach this?

Hi.

So my husband has a female friend he plays music with that I have been really uncomfortable with because she touches him (rubbed his belly and he downplayed it and said it was a joke and I was being OTT), they’ve been calling each other for hours without me knowing recently while he told me they “rarely talked” and I just don’t have a good feeling about her for countless incidents where I perceive she’s trying to lord herself over me.

As it became too much after I realised they’d been spending hours on the phone (again while he told me they rarely talked) I asked him to cease personal contact with her last week. He’s been extremely distant and annoyed since then and on the weekend, he was away until Sunday on a weekend tour. When he got back in Sunday he had to go straight to a show with this girl somewhere else from the airport.

On Thursday we made a suggestion I MAY pick him up Sunday and drive him to his show he had with this girl - however no actual plans were made and he also suggested he may just borrow a guitar from a friend he was touring with and go to the gig himself as that was an option. At no point did we make any firm plans and he indicated he had other options.

He left Friday for his weekend shows but was still grumpy about this girl and me wanting him to cease personal contact (i indicated I’m still okay for him to work with her but not the long personal phone calls and her ignoring me then texting him early morning or late at night, or doing free studio work for her). He spent the whole weekend giving me silent treatment and then sent a series of sarcastic and grating texts Saturday before ignoring me again. No good mornings or good nights - just Straight out silent treatment and rude messages. I had a pretty bad weekend because when he ignores me I find i feel really down.

On Sunday he finally sent a message at 1am saying “I’m guessing our plans not going ahead” then another text hours before the show with the girl I don’t like after he flew in asking if I was driving his stuff to her for him or whether he needed to look into another option. As he mentioned he could have borrowed a guitar I said I didn’t want to help him on account of not wanting to see this girl but also that he had given me silent treatment all weekend and I was not cool to drop everything and help him after this. I’ve never set a boundary like this and it was really hard.

He did not respond and went back into silent treatment but then I panicked and called the friend he was supposed to borrow the guitar off to ask if he had done so or whether I needed to drop his stuff. His friend said he had declined the offer he was made for the guitar and for a ride, and that he called the girl to say he was cancelling the work with her. His friend said he appeared completely fine with this.

Long story short, my husband got home Sunday and ignored me. We have two sections of our home and he came, locked himself downstairs and then sent me a text saying this:

I am angry about you embarrassing me and leaving me stranded today, also the money that I need that I have now lost. If I knew this was happening I would have at least made other choices. I guess you got to make your point. Thanks for teaching me a lesson. I will remember this. Do not come near me. I have sorted myself downstairs and I don’t want to see you or talk to you. I will not be sending any messages after this. Leave me alone.”

I then woke up and he had deadlocked multiple parts of the house as well as removed keys from the house from my key ring so I have no access to do anything like laundry. He has locked me out of the house before but this has now been ongoing Since Sunday and I haven’t seen him with the exception of him coming upstairs briefly yesterday and nearly barging me - then not saying hi and telling me to get out of the bathroom.

I’m annoyed because -there was no firm plans and I had no idea based on his behaviour all weekend he wanted me to drive his things still. -he enacted silent treatment all weekend and was rude and then suddenly expected me to drop everything and transport him to a gig with a girl I really don’t like -he told me he had other options and his friend offered him equipment and a ride which he declined -he is blaming me for something that is not my responsibility -at no point did he tell me he’d have to cancel the gig with the girl if I didn’t help me but rather didn’t respond to me saying I dint want to help.

How should I react to this and what should I do? Do I need to be apologising here? At this point he hasn’t talked to me for ages, has locked me out of part of the house and removed my keys and has told me I’m not allowed to talk to him.

He’s done this before but not this long and I’m really feeling upset and not coping. Any thoughts or advice appreciated on now to deal to silent treatment or the situation.

TLDR; husband has locked me out of house and is giving silent treatment because I didn’t want to do him a favour after he was rude all weekend to me.

Submitted July 29, 2019 at 02:31PM by chooseyourweapon https://ift.tt/2OmIqZl