Hi Everyone,
My Fiancee (24F) and myself (27M) have been together for 8 years, and are getting married next weekend. The only thing we've ever had arguments throughout our relationship is marriage, and kids. Everything else has been great.
She was my first girlfriend and the one I lost my virginity to. So I wanted to make sure this was the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with which resulted in a 6 year period until I proposed to her. When I finally proposed I knew with 100% certainty that this was the person I wanted to be with until I died. She has always felt like this was unfair because she wanted me to propose by year 3, and be married shortly after. With her having much more dating experience I felt like she was able to be certain much sooner than I was, since I didn't have any prior experience dating.
So now the most recent thing that has come up, is that she wants kids ASAP, and while I very much so want kids, I don't want them right away. There are a few things I'd love to accomplish before taking on the responsibilities of kids. One of them being purchasing a home (we currently live in a one bedroom apartment). We've been saving for a house, and we'll be able to purchase one with 20% down by June of 2020 and the expiration of our current lease.
Another thing is my career. I currently manage a property management company and have my realtors license. My goal is to start my own brokerage once I can get my brokers license (1 more year) and work with my fiancee running our own property management company. She also is a property manager, but doesn't like the idea of starting our own business, and would rather continue working for a company. I feel like having our own business would give us the freedom to enjoy our children if we were to first build that, and then have children after.
This is where we don't see eye to eye. She says not having children right away would make her very un happy to the point of no longer enjoying life. I know she's always wanted children so badly, and that this is a valid concern. With that being said I believe being patient so that we were financially set, and able to spend more time with our children due to owning a business would be better in the long run. Even if that meant postponing children for 3-5 years from now.
I'd really appreciate any input on how we could come to a compromise on this issue. Maybe even any input if I'm just being unreasonable? Any input would be greatly appreciated!
TL:DR:
-Fiancee (24) wants kids now, and I (27) don't want kids right away (I feel 3-5 years would be enough time until I were ready).
-Fiancee feels she's always had to wait for me on things before moving to the next step, and would be unhappy to wait on having kids
-We've been together 8 years, and get married next weekend.
-I'd like to have a home and our own business before having kids
-Need input on how we can come to a compromise
UPDATE: We talked and came to agreeing on starting to try and have children once we are in a home (which is planned to be June of 2020). We also plan to do more couples counseling in the future. I truly appreciate everybody's input on this! It was very helpful! Thanks!
Submitted July 28, 2019 at 12:37PM by Xerbia https://ift.tt/331m0R1
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