Recently I have been seeing a guy [M29] for around 6 months, we text every day, he comes over to my place or I go over to his place at least once a week, often more. He lies on my lap or in my arms every time we are together, I stroke his hair, he sleeps over and cuddles me all night (without sex) (also his preference, not mine, I don't like cuddles and only did it because it made him happy) I kiss his forehead in the morning and his cheek every night, I take care of his dog a lot and sometimes he takes care of mine, we buy each other things, we go out together often and talk about intimate things like family issues and such, if he's feeling sick I'll run down to the store at 4am to get him the lemon tea he wanted and so on....you get the picture...this goes on for 6months...last week he stopped texting me back as often as he did, just short replies, if one at all. Then he goes on a trip with his friends for a weekend (a trip he didn't tell me about, just disappeared) and tells me he started dating someone (This is right after we are sexually intimate together for the 1st time, no penetration just oral and grinding). Obviously I'm completely heart broken, had a nervous break down for the past 3 days, couldn't eat or sleep and cried everyday. He refuses to communicate much, tells me very little and stopped texting or seeing me at all. All he said was he thought it was casual and I was a good friend and that he didn't even know that I cared. This hurt badly because I cared so much and for so long, it sucks that he never noticed. So I have been asking my friends about this situation, and they are split into 2 teams.
-One side says that it was casual because we never "officially" asked each other to be bf or gf, and that dating more than one person at a time when you don't call dibs is acceptable.
-The other says they assume exclusivity when dating unless specified otherwise from the very beginning, and since we have been so intimate for so long they felt it was obvious we were in a relationship and that he's playing dumb and was using me for emotional comfort and lost interest the moment we did anything sexual. They also said dating more than one person at a time without the other's knowledge is not acceptable.
I'm utterly confused, mostly because he refuses to communicate and has ghosted me at this point. My 3 questions are...
1.) Were we actually casual the whole time or did he know how I felt and was using me for affection, lost interest after "he got what he wanted"?
2.) When you date someone do you assume exclusivity unless verbally specified otherwise, or vice versa, non-exclusivity unless verbally specified otherwise.
3.) Is dating more than 1 person at a time acceptable?
TL;DR: "BF" of 6 months started seeing someone else and said we were casual. Did I misunderstand the whole time or did I get used by this guy?
Edit: Something interesting I noticed when I asked my friends was that people who assumed exclusivity often referred to dating as a game, while no one of the assumed exclusivity camp used game to describe dating and was taken-aback when I mentioned it. Gender was pretty much split evenly between the 2 groups. Western born caucasian people were more likely to be in the assumed non-exclusivity group , foreign born asians were more likely to be in the assumed exclusivity group (So there maybe cultural assumptions at play) we all live in Canada as of now.
Submitted July 30, 2019 at 07:34PM by aristocraticpleb https://ift.tt/334jLfq
No comments:
Post a Comment