I was actually writing a post about a whole other issue but it got too long and honestly this is the one I’m most ashamed about because I don’t want to tell any of our friends because I don’t want to embarrass him. Also, sorry for any typos, I wrote it on a word document while I was deciding about posting it and it autocorrects to spanish.
So, we’ve been together for more that 6 years. When we started dating, he lived with his parents and I shared a place with some roomates, and he spent most of the time at my house. He was a total disaster. He didn’t even know how to sweep. I had to remind him to wash his hands constantly. He really needed to experience living alone for some time, and it showed. I got diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease shortly after we started dating, and my health got progressively worse so 4 years later I had to move back to my parents house, in another city, while I got used to it/got better, so we both still live with our parents (not a weird thing in my country). So now, when we go visit, we stay in each other’s houses, and it’s a nightmare.
His house is filthy. His dad and his brother don’t give and absolute fuck about the trash they leave around. I remember seeing a piece of prawn sticked to the tablecloth for DAYS, and when I asked him, you know, trying to be discreet, how often they changed and washed the tablecloth he said: “I don’t think we’ve ever washed it since we got it”. I had to convince him to buy a plastic one so we could at least clean it with a wet rag. When his brother had to have surgery (phimosis), he would leave blood all over the floor and counters everytime he changed his bandages, and then leave the bloody bandages there (his brother is in his 20s). They would also leave used cotton swabs everywhere in the bathroom, dirty smelly socks on the sofa. They overload the dishwasher so much that everything comes out dirty and sticky. I’ll be using a “clean” spoon and it would taste like old greasy food.
But the worst thing is the fridge. That goddamn fridge smells like there’s a dead body inside. Here’s the thing: I have an overactive sense of smell, which is a nightmare for me, and a blessing for everybody else: I can smell food that’s going bad before it looks like it, and I detected a couple of fires in my neighbour’s houses before they could even realized it (my dad showed up with a fire extinguisher saying “let me in, please, your house is on fire”). So maybe I’m overreacting a little bit. But it’s so bad. Years ago I could stand being in the kitchen while the fridge was open, now I can even be near it when it’s closed. And that smell gets EVERYWHERE. You want some cold water? It tastes like that. Some butter? Also tastes like that. Some cheese? Same. Even the plastic bags they store near the fridge smell like that.
The worst thing is, he says it smells like food. Let me tell you, if a restaurant smelled like that I would call for an inspection. I would call for a priest, that smell comes straight from hell. It’s so disgusting, and I don’t even know what it is, I’ve never smelled anything like that, and I’ve spent a lot of time in a microbiology lab.
And I could kind of deal with all of these if it didn’t make me literally sick. I had a flare up of my autoimmune disease everytime I visited them. At first I thought it had to do with stress, but then I saw his father pick up a toast from their dirty ass floor, look at it like he was deciding to eat it, and then PUT IT BACK ON THE BAG. And nobody said ANYTHING. I talked to my boyfriend, he said that had to be a one time thing, but since then I just eat take out or things that we buy and are still sealed. I still get sick, but not that often and not that bad.
Now, I know you’ll probably say to not stay at their house, but we can’t afford a hotel or Airbnb and I try to go there as little as I can, but still have to do it from time to time (his birthday, for example). And my problem is that, yeah, he tries to accomodate me, but he is so dismissive. He says the fridge smell is normal. He says his house is clean, that it’s just his dad and his brother. He says I’m getting sick for other reasons. And he says they are used to it and it’s not wrong. And I’m so scared of the idea of moving together. I’m immunocompromised, I catch everything, and I can’t afford getting sick so many times. Cortisone is not a harmless treatment, immunosuppresants either. And the thing is, he is a biologist. He did many microbiology courses, and still gets surprised when I got sick because he forgot to store some burgers in the freezer and let them over the counter for a whole ass day and then gave them to me (I didn’t know).
I just can’t understand it. I can’t live like that, I don’t have the patience to keep teaching him the same things over and over again. If we ever have children, I don’t want to let them visit such a filthy house. Funny thing, his mother has been working as a cleaner for years.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I don’t know how to make him realized that this is not normal, or healthy, just because he’s used to it. And I get that it’s not my house and I’m trying my best to not show how repulsed I am, but everytime I go to his house we have this conversation because he would say: “I’ve clean the whole house!” and it looks and smells the same. I just don’t know if I can deal with this anymore, and I need some advice because if this relationship ends I don't want it to be because a nasty ass fridge. Thank you.
TLDR: My boyfriend's house is filthy and I can't take it anymore. I don't know if he's going to be able to improve those hygiene standards when he gets out of that house and I need it for health reasons (and also because it's nasty).
Edit: I didn't expect so many comments and I haven't slept so I need some rest but THANK YOU SO MUCH everyone that took some time to help me out with this issue, I needed to get it out of my chest and I feel so much better now that I've read more people thinking this situation is not normal or safe. I'll definitely address this again with him, not now (not a good time, he has some important family issues), but I'll have more time to figure out the best way to do it so he can't dismiss it anymore. I'll come back later to keep replying. Thank you so so much!
Submitted July 27, 2019 at 07:39PM by PianoPiuPiano https://ift.tt/2ygo09G
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