Husband [M 29] lied to me [F 28] about dating a mutual acquaintance during the formation of our relationship and won’t apologize.

When my husband and I first met several years ago, it was from an online dating website. I was seeing a few other people casually at the time, so I mentioned it and asked if he was seeing anyone. He said no and I said I had broken things off with the others and wanted to be monogamous; he was happy and wanted to be monogamous too.

Maybe a week after we were Facebook official, a girl I knew from college messaged me saying how happy she was for us and that he was a great guy. He had told me they met on a dating app but just decided to be friends. When she messaged me, she told me about how they were hanging out at his house and he was telling her about his date with me. Sounds like a regular friendship, so, cool; he said he didn’t remember her over at his house or telling her anything about me. I shrugged it off, that was that, and we dated and got engaged and married over the next several years.

Just this past year, he slipped up and something about her hanging at his house after their date together (they were playing a video game that night and our discussion was about the game). As soon as he said it, he kinda clammed up and realized he had said something he didn’t mean to. I asked a little more about it and he said he was trying to figure out how he felt about her after having a date with me to decide who to move forward with. Not friends like he had said before. And he did remember she was over at his house after we had started seeing each other.

I feel betrayed and lied to. I asked him outright about it and he said he wasn’t seeing anyone and I asked about her hanging at his house and he said he didn’t remember it; both of those now are false. To make it more awkward, I know her and she messages me from time to time. Whenever I see a tv show where the husband lies about seeing someone or their intentions, I get reminded of this and it hurts.

My husband has refused to apologize and says he did nothing wrong. He still holds true that they were just friends at the time and thinks that I’m overreacting by getting upset about it.

I’d love some help reframing my viewpoint or seeing other sides because it’s still bugging me like a year later. It feels like from the beginning we started with a big fat lie and I don’t know how to get over it. Help?

TL;DR my husband said he wasn’t dating anyone when we first met, but slipped up years later and revealed that he was sorta seeing someone I knew from college to figure out his feelings for her and me; he refuses to apologize and says they were only friends and I’m overreacting.

Submitted July 03, 2019 at 08:02PM by getmarriedthrowaway https://ift.tt/2LCvmMC