My (f26) Mom (f55) instigated us having no contact for a year, and now is planning on bringing drama/personal problems to my workplace because I am upholding that no contact

Sorry this is so long but this situation spans over about a year and I am just really upset right now.

A little bit of backstory first, we’ve always had a patchy relationship, I believe she brings out the worst in me as bad as that sounds. I pretty much raised myself with the help of camps anytime that I had breaks from school because both my parents worked excessively. I moved back home 2 years ago at 24 to finally go to school as I had been managing retail and getting nowhere, and getting frustrated at that. I stayed with her for 6 months while I waitressed and decided where to go for school what to do etc and we fought constantly, sometimes because of me and sometimes because of her. I know that I’m not perfect and two women who are so similar living together gets messy especially because I had already been on my own and am a person who appreciates time to myself a lot. During this I also had a very rough long distance relationship with a boyfriend who was gaslighting me amongst other things, so I was pretty out of it as well.

Anyway, I move 45 min away for school, we keep in touch naturally and I introduce her to my new BF when he comes along, we visit for dinner etc. She goes on vacations fairly often in the summer for a week or two at a time, and sometimes will offer me the use of her car to watch after her cat, spend time with it etc. Which I love doing because I love her cat. I do this a few times last summer and everything seems fine, and then she asks me again. Okay, no problem, I go pick up the car, my bf drives me out we visit with the cat and then both head home after. A week or so later she messages me saying ‘going to be back tomorrow,need the car for work,I say okay, tell her I’ll be by when she gets in as she had told me what time she was coming in, let’s call it 8pm. Me and my boyfriend had plans to see a concert that night but I told him sorry, have to cancel, not the end of the world, don’t bother mentioning it to my mom.

I leave to go meet her an hour before, it takes about 45min to get there and then when I’m about 10 minute away I get a call from her so I answer and she’s telling me that she actually won’t be back for another few days and to turn around and go home. I get frustrated, and feel it’s very inconsiderate so I mention hey, I had plans tonight you know, planning to tell her that I found it to be pretty inconsiderate but before I can,she’s yelling and talking over me saying ‘how the fuck would I know that’ and ‘I really can’t deal with this shit right now’ etc. I’m crying at this point (I cry quick, drives me crazy) And also still driving which obviously isn’t a good mix so after a few minutes of this I talk over her and say ‘the car will be at your house tonight, it’ll be in the driveway’ and hang up and continue my drive. Luckily my BF comes and picks me up and we go home.

Ffwd a few weeks of not really speaking with her, she messages me on fb asking me to call her. My bf is picking me up from school and we stop in a hallway before we leave so I can call her. She pretty much reams me out for hanging up on her and saying again that it’s my fault that I didn’t tell her about my plans (which isn’t even really the issue, I had no problem cancelling it’s the inconsideration) and I try to talk to her but again she’s yelling, talking over me etc. And I finally get through to her and say hey, you’re not even listening to what I’m saying, you won’t let me talk so she goes ‘fine talk, I’m listening, say whatever you want’ so I start to tell her that she had been inconsiderate, when I am yet again talked over. She goes on to say that she’s tired of us fighting and that I either need to stop it or ‘get the fuck out of her life’ while also mentioning that the world doesn’t revolve around me and that I am immature and need to grow up. I’m crying (again) at this point and my boyfriend has had enough seeing how upset I am, and he grabs my phone, hangs up, and takes me home as people are around and staring, right after our call she messaged me saying to grow the fuck up and a picture of her motorcycle, crashed, with nothing else.

I finished school and got asked to join a salon immediately which was amazing for me because I was very stressed and living very tightly. I couldn’t find work when I was in school due to my class hours, so she had lent me money for a few months for rent and a bus pass, right before both phone calls had happened. I dreaded asking for help, partly because I had been supporting myself since I was 17, and partly because sometimes if she helps me out she holds it over my head and guilts me with it, but it needed to be done as I was in a very tight spot.

Since this all happened she has messaged me a few times mentioning that she’s moving, and I needed to come get my stuff, I don’t know which stuff, or how much either. This could include stuff from my childhood, stuff that I had left there when I moved for school thinking I would come back for etc. Whenever I see her name I feel sick and anxious almost immediately and I haven’t responded to her since our phone call which yes is immature, but I haven’t been able to handle it. I would rather lose all my stuff than go to her house to get it, which sounds horrible, but to me it just sounded like a trap and I was very against it.

She messaged me last night around 1130/midnight saying that she needed my address for my things as she is moving. I didn’t respond because I was in bed but the following messages are ‘real nice’ (as I didn’t respond) and ‘guess I’ll just have to drop your shit off at your work, fine by me’ I work in a high end Salon and am extremely anxious that she’s going to show up at my work and cause a scene. She must have found my work through my professional Instagram, which has the salon listed, I haven’t talked to her since I started there.

What do I do? I know talking to her is the most obvious answer but I feel so anxious even thinking about it. Not to mention that I am really just okay with us cutting our ties and knowing the conversation would go just like the phone calls. This isn’t a relationship that I enjoy having in my life, it’s always been like this and I feel like I’m ready to just move on. My biggest concern is her getting me into trouble at work but I don’t know how to prevent that while still keeping my distance from her.

TL;DR my mom who I have a horrible relationship with is threatening to go to my work and drop stuff off and I don’t want her anywhere near there, or ideally, to have any contact with her, I know I haven’t been handling this the best but what do I do?

Submitted May 06, 2019 at 10:00AM by cryloren69 http://bit.ly/2Wrd2IR