My boyfriend (been together a little over a year) earns 6 times the income that I do, as I'm currently in school, but we still split everything 50/50 - I have no problem with such.
However, in the entirety of our relationship, he's asked me to pick up the bill several times when we've eaten out as he was saving up for an ATV. Trying to be understanding, I happily obliged. I never want to be a financial burden on him and try to help him out whenever I can.
On my birthday, he didn't get me anything, nor did he pick up any of the food bills. In fact, I paid for the pizza we ordered, so technically I paid for his meal on my own birthday. Again, because he told me he was trying to save, I thought I would be empathetic. This also happened again around Christmas time, where he refused to go to any events that I wanted to go to that cost money because he was "saving up". When I told him I wanted to go, he told me to "go with other people. Why do these things always have to be with me."
He lived with me for 2 months when he was going to school near me, and I never asked him for any rent in return.
Flash forward to his birthday, I spent $320 on a set of box seat tickets to a hockey game for him, as he'd never been to one. I paid for his parking, food, etc., everything for the night. When I asked him a few months earlier if he'd like those tickets, he encouraged me to get them as he wanted them.
Now, flash forward to a few months later and we ended up taking a trip to an island as a getaway for our anniversary, our first ever vacation that we've ever taken because in his words, he "can't afford any other vacation because [he's] saving up for an ATV". Per usual, we split everything 50/50. On the ferry ride back, we were grabbing drinks from the cafeteria, and when we lined up to pay for them, he put his water bottle with mine (as he saw I already had my card out) and told the cashier to "put it all on her bill", so I ended up having to pay for it. It was only $3 but the principle of it really bothered me. He brags to all of his friends that he's making $2500 a paycheque, but apparently he can't even pay for his own water bottle?
Most recently, I spent 3 weeks doing his taxes for him (I'm NOT a tax accountant - I actually know nothing about taxes, but I wanted to try and save him some time and money), and got him almost $4000 in return. With this tax return, he put a down payment on the ATV (in addition to all the money he had already saved up for it before), and bragged to all his friends that I got him all that money in return - which led to ALL of them asking me to do their taxes for them. He never once offered to take me out to dinner or to get me anything in return for all the time and stress I went through with his taxes - it was just a simple "thanks, appreciate it", and that was it.
After he got his down payment for his ATV, he phoned me and said "We need to get you a helmet for this thing. You can pay for half", and said "I feel bad making you pay since you don't even own an ATV and you're only getting it because I'm getting one, but oh well". Half of the helmet cost is $50. He literally could not even spare $50 out of the $4000 tax return that I put in the work to get for him for a god damn helmet for HIS ATV. Inevitably, I finally lost my shit and told him I'm not paying for it, and that I'm tired of this shit.
All this said, it's important to note that I also have household bills to pay (that are actually higher than his), I have tuition to pay, and my income isn't steady. He knows all of this. I'm relatively good with finance so I know how to budget and where to move money around from so it gets me by. I'm trying to save up for my own place, but that never seems to matter to him - only his own goals do.
I'm not expecting to be financially supported, nor do I have a problem with spoiling my partner, but I'm starting to feel like all he does is take, take, and take. It's clear that he has no problem with me spending my own money on him, or with spending money on himself - he just never wants to spend money on me.
What also irks me is that his ex girlfriend lived on the other side of the world and he'd have no problems saving up $1000 to get on a plane to see her, and he'd surprised her several times with flowers, gifts, etc. When questioned about it, he said "I wasn't saving for anything back then. I am now".
I've tried talking to him several times about finances and effort needing to be a bit more even but I feel like all he continues to do is take and take and take. It always turns into an argument where he almost guilt trips me by saying "well gee, sorry I have financial goals now", or "why does everything we do always have to involve money?". He also busts out the "I always say thank you - why can't that be enough? It's enough for me whenever I do anything for you." (And for reference, he doesn't do anything other than drive me around to places that are, 99% of the time, places that he wants to go to, and he tries to charge me for the gas it takes whenever that happens). He also likes to tell me that my presence is all he needs to be happy, but then proceeds to ask me to do a million things for him (ie. mail this letter, do my taxes, lend me some money, I need to stay at your place while I'm at school, I need to use your stuff, etc).
Am I being too demanding here or is he actually pushing it in terms of financial boundaries? Am I asking for too much for just wanting to be spoiled with something as simple as a coffee or a simple flower once every blue moon?
TL;DR: Boyfriend is super stingy with me, never treats me, and is now expecting me to pay for half of a helmet for an ATV that I've had to pick up several of his bills for in order for him to afford.
Submitted May 03, 2019 at 01:10AM by emotionalknapsack123 http://bit.ly/2JcyygP
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