TL;DR
The other day my wife told me that her and her mother decided "we" (not sure if that we meant all 3 of us or just her and her mom) decided to move to a different state when her father dies. I'm upset because if she is planning to stay in a relationship with me, I should be included in planning major decisions about our future. How do I discuss this with her?
We've been together for 6 years.
My wife has always been very close with her mother and relied on her for a lot of things. The thing is until the last 2 years or so wife really seemed into me but lately she's been quieter and telling me I'm weird and stuff.
Additional Info
Money might be a major factor in this. This part is long but here it is:
Wife has been on disability since before we met due to a legitimate health condition and her mother handles her benefit check. I always worked and although I don't make a lot of money I always made sure we both ended up with an equal amount of spending money. Basically her mom would take the rent out of her disability check and I would pay my bills and some of our bills, buy food and put some in an emergency fund and then give her half of whatever was left. I didn't mind having separate accounts because I believe spouses should maintain some seperation of their individual money but still share expenses.
Until last year I was also attending graduate school with the plan that I would get a good job and become the primary provider for us. Unfortunately I developed health problems of my own and had to stop working and drop out. I'm waiting for a decision from the disability office about my case. The emergency fund dried up 8 months ago and since then I've given up my car and phone as we've been having trouble buying groceries. She still has those things because her parents are providing for her now that I can't.
On the other hand when when I was contributing more she would often defer to her parents on things that I felt should be between her and I, like what color to paint the dining room and stuff like that.
I'm not sure how to address this or if I should start planning my own living arrangements.
Edit: Everyone seems to agree that I need to be assertive and I agree with that. Does anyone have tips about how to do that?
I've tried talking to her but she just sort of ignores me. I've even spoken with MIL directly but MIL is good at feeling sorry for herself. She either looks offended or just apologizes and cries and tries to hug me (I hate being touched and she knows that) but never changes.
Wife won't go to therapy.
Submitted May 06, 2019 at 08:40AM by junebug_vs_hurricane http://bit.ly/2UZH44V
No comments:
Post a Comment