I've been dating a girl for four months and we have grown very close in that time. I met her off of Bumble, she asked me out because she could see that we were both non drinkers in the recovery scene (both of us are ex junkies who have been clean for over a few years now). We have alot in common and both us have no shortage of shit we are ashamed of in our pasts.
For some context, I'm a late bloomer in the dating scene. I was always very shy (and fucked up on junk) when I was younger and the only relationships I've had have been with women from work who instigated and pursued me. I've come out of my shell in recent years (got a good job in the OR which women seem to like) and for the first time I started dating widely. This was big for me because I always felt sexually inexperienced next to other people. I had a plan to just date and be up front and honest with women that I wasnt looking for anything serious and try sleeping around for awhile. I did it for awhile and it was great.
It was during this period that I met my gf. We instantly got attached and my whole "just date around" plan went out the window. Its been a really great intimate few months with her, we hang out and talk everyday, and then last night she said she needed to talk to me about something. She told me that she had been a call girl for an escort agency for several years and that she did it to support her heroin habit. I didnt know what to say or how to react.
I told her that I still adored her and didnt think less of her and that I appreciated she trusted me enough to tell me. She cried though, she said she is always afraid no one will want to be with her because shes too damaged. No matter what I said to reassure her she said that I wasnt looking at her the same and I feel like shit and wish it wasnt true but it is.
I am not against sex work in anyway, I have female friends from recovery who spent time in that line of work and I am sympathetic to how people end up in that situation. I also think consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they want sexually. I would never hold someones sexual history against them and I dont think less of her for doing it, it just makes me feel sad. I did some extreme shit for money as well when I was using, there just wasnt a sexual element.
Despite all of that and the fact that I know intellectually that this shouldnt be a problem I cant stop thinking about it. Her telling me conjures up horrible images in my mind about her with other men like that. I have had friends who would go to see escorts and I keep thinking 'have any of my friends been with her like that?' and it tears me up inside. I know its not really rational but I cant get those thoughts out of my head. I came home from her place today and just started sobbing when i got home.
The problem is not a judgement of her, its a weakness of mine. When I think about it it makes feel insecure and sad. I cant get the images out of my head, its kind of torture, and I dont know how to proceed or if I should proceed. Should I use this as an opportunity to work on sexual insecurities or should I step out of the way so she can find someone better that wouldnt be bothered by this? Any feedback or anyone that might relate would be really appreciated.
TL;DR my gf told me she used to be an escort and it has made me very insecure and as much as I like her and still respect her I dont know if I can continue the relationship and I feel like a terrible person because she is a wonderful person who has had a hard life and she deserves better.
Submitted May 04, 2019 at 07:43PM by BHAFA http://bit.ly/2VeVuDt
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