Last strings of relationship with my [24/F] BF [22/M] who lusts over other real-life women on social media and with his friends. Is it worth hanging on if he’s willing to change his behaviour?

Me [24/F] and my BF [22/m] have been together for 1 year after 6 months of exclusive dating. We went through an LDR for a year between our dating and official phase, where he has visited me abroad twice. However, now that we’re out of the LDR and have been living together for more than 6 months, I’ve discovered extremely uncomfortable habits that my boyfriend does, including:

• Just this January, I caught my boyfriend jerking off to other real-life girls he knows, many girls, some of them “ex”-crushes and women in his friend circle (e.g. former classmates, his friends' girlfriends), on Facebook and Instagram behind my back. Repeatedly.
• I found messages (obtained with his permission), dating from back when we were exclusively dating up to after we became BF/GF during our LDR. These messages included him joking about dating another girl or leaving me for his ex-crush, expressing sexually explicit things (he would bend over his female friend and doggy her in front of the mirror; cum on her face with his other guy friend friend). He would do this same things over other girls and real life crushes. During one of the explicit exchanges, he even said, “This is so bad, I hope [my girlfriend] never sees this.”
• He would share pictures of real-life girls he’s sexually attracted to within his group of friends, which they would feast on, taking turns describing how “yummy” they find the girl and what they would do to her. He would also ask for nudes of girls he knows from his other friends (both in and out of our relationship).
• On social media, he has messaged his favourite Gone Wild girl despite me asking him not to contact any girls, made an Instagram for the sole reason of ogling other girls he knows, and adds girls he knows on Facebook just to jack off to them. His (taken) friends do the same thing, and openly admit it in their conversations.
• Most of all, he also did this to his poor, extremely tolerant ex a few years ago, which had also driven a rift in their relationship.

He never cheated physically, but his history of closeness and friendship with some of these girls (former crush, almost-girlfriend, wanted to have sex with her, etc.) makes me feel like it’s borderline emotional cheating.

Although the behaviour tapered off (not completely) when our relationship progressed, the emotional scars are deep: I can’t trust him anymore, I constantly compare myself to others, I feel betrayed that he’s capable of disrespecting women in his life and showing his friends that he disrespects our relationship. And his friends do nothing about his behaviour (only a couple call him out).

When I found out in January, I freaked out and long story short, I told him point-blank that I won’t stand for this behaviour if he does it again. When I asked him why he does this, he said it was just a habit he brought over from when he was much younger.

So far, he hasn't done it again. He’s adamant about making some changes in his life, including: cutting off harmful friends; he has deleted his social media accounts (except for Messenger). We are already going into therapy.

What are your experiences, Reddit? Is it worth working through this problem or should I just ditch him, despite his willingness to change?

TL;DR. My boyfriend has a habit of jerking off, fantasising to other girls he knows and ex-crushes on social media during our relationship. He and his friends traded explicit sexual pictures and fantasies over specific real-life girls, all while in a relationship with me. (He even said, “This is so bad, I hope my girlfriend never sees this” to which his friend just... laughed.) He says he’s willing to make major changes, including therapy, cutting contact and rebuilding his friend network. Since I discovered him in January, he has been keeping to his word, but the wounds are still there. Should I stay if he's seriously willing to change?

Submitted May 02, 2019 at 01:27AM by veryfreewilly http://bit.ly/2VI4CQe