Is it fair for me (26F) to breakup with my BF (24M) of nearly 4 years for reasons entirely beyond his control?

He got a promotion at work about 6 months ago which we were both SUPER happy about because he's been passed over a couple times and worked really hard to earn. We knew the hours would change some, and there might be some weekends here or there. We anticipated having to make some changes.

But, the schedule isn't AT ALL what they told him it would be, and it's not what the previous person in this position had.

I work 9-530, Mon thru Fri with 1 Sat a month. He was working 7-4 in his old role, with Saturdays for a month 4 times a year. He's now on 4 pm - 1 am Wed thru Fri and 3 pm to midnight on weekends. He's worked every single weekend since the promotion, as well as every holiday.

We literally never see each other. By the time he comes home, I'm in bed. He's still asleep when I leave in the morning. I have most weekends off, he has none. Sometimes we can grab breakfast on the weekends but we can't do any activities together because he needs to leave for work at 2 pm.

He's asked why he doesn't have the schedule the person he replaced did and was told simply "We need you on this shift". He's asked if it was permanent and they told him that yes, this is a 2nd shift position now. When he was first promoted they told him "a few weeks" but the schedule never changed.

He's hesitant about looking for a new job because he's making AMAZING money, and he's unlikely to get immediately back into the same advanced position with a new company. He's looked and even had a couple interviews and that was pretty much confirmed. He got an offer but it was an offer for his OLD role at a different company because he hasn't been in the more advanced position long enough to have the right experience.

The final nail was when they cancelled his vacation next month. We had a week long trip planned 2000 miles away from home. We had flights and hotels booked, events paid for and now...... pleh. He can't go. He's encouraged me to take a friend, but airline tickets aren't transferrable and flights now are stupid expensive. I also don't know of any of my friends who would WANT to go to these events..... and I wanted to go with HIM.

Even if I did go alone or find an interested friend, like 50% of the trip just gets eaten in what he can't get refunded.

None of this is really his fault but I'm really feeling like I can't do this a minute longer. I'm so incredibly lonely. It's like I now live with a roommate that I never talk to. It doesn't feel fair to breakup with him for something he can't control but this is NOT a relationship. It's barely even a friendship anymore. I can't and wouldn't ask him to take a $5-7/hr pay cut. I know getting some debts paid off is a priority to him. And if anything happened and he left this job for me, he would just be resentful.

I can't change my shift because my field doesn't generally even HAVE a second shift.

But there's no end in sight to this and I'm really feeling like if I'm going to be single I'm just going to BE single.

I love him. But we haven't had a relationship in 6 months.

I guess I actually AM asking permission to break up. It just makes me feel like a horrible person, so maybe some suggestions of what to say that DOESN'T make it sound like his fault would be good.

Thanks!

tl;dr BF got promoted and now we have no relationship due to his schedule. I understand his reasons fir wanting to stay in the job, but we just had to cancel an expensive vacation because they cancelled his time off, and I've hit the end of my rope. How can I let him down as kindly as possible so that he understands this isn't his fault but I can't do this?

Submitted May 05, 2019 at 01:36PM by WhatAboutUs2 http://bit.ly/2J6QzOv