I stop talking to my best friend (F28) 5 years! How do I (F28) reach out to apologize and pay her back the money she let me borrow?

(I apologize for my grammar since English is my second language and I also change the names for privacy)

I ghosted my best friend 5 years ago right after I got married. I grew up with Amy and became best friends in high school. We stayed really good friends when I moved to college. She got married right after high school and was more financially stable. I was a broke college student and payed my way through college. This is important for later in the story.

I went to parties and had the college experience compared to her staying in our town and being married. Looking back, I don’t think her husband liked me very much since I was more liberal and he was more conservative. He grew up in Iowa and we are from California.

My friend was more financially stable and started buying more expensive stuff and eating out at expensive restaurants. I was really broke and could only eat out once or twice a month and that was like In and Out restaurants. I was in a really tight budget.

Whenever I went back home she would want to go shopping and go out to eat out. I would asked money from my parents so I could go out. Eventually my parents said they couldn’t give me extra money but only for school.

I don’t want to make the story so long but eventually I started making excuses why couldn’t go out so we just hang out at her place. Then the excuses were I couldn’t join her and her husband to lunch or dinner for some reason. They also came to town where I went to college for some business and I declined to join them because I was broke. Also made an excuse. Eventually they stop asking.

Before this happened, I was $900 dollars short for tuition and they loan me the money. I agreed to pay them back when I did my taxes but that didn’t happen because I need the money for something else. My thought, was I’ll pay them later when I get more money. I was also going through some depression and didn’t want to talk to anyone.

She eventually send me an email saying that If I didn’t want to be friends that was ok (way longer then that) but that I needed to pay her back the money. This was after a year that I owe her the money and six months of not answering her calls or text to hang out.

At that point I didn’t have the money and simply ignored it. I felt horrible but it was hard to speak up and just explained what was going on. Then I did have the money but was too embarrassed to reach out. Then I use the money for something else and then I would have the money but was even more embarrassed to reach out. The cycle kept going. My friend eventually move to Iowa with her husband.

Five years later, I still have the money and now some courage to reach out but don’t know how. I guess that has been the problem since the start. How to reach out!!!! My friend would of understand why I couldn’t go out but I was too embarrassed to tell how how broke I really was. I should of told her I didn’t really wanted her husband to know. I should of told her how sad and depressed I was but I didn’t. I really think she would of understand which makes me feel worst. I do feel I owe her a explanation and want to returned the money.

I don’t have her number or email. The easier way would be to send her a message on FB ( we are not friends).

Here are my questions:

How should I start the the message? Should I reach out? What would you do?

TLDR: How should I approach reaching out to a friend I ghosted for 5 years because I owed her money?

Submitted May 26, 2019 at 10:58AM by lamorenachingona http://bit.ly/2EzKlCJ