I love my husband but I hate how he handles me being sick. I have a hereditary disease that effects your liver and lungs. I am not going to name it because my husband lurks Reddit and its pretty identifying. I love this man with everything I have and he has been supportive and there for me through everything. However once my mom died from a life long battle with said disease everything changed. I think it got real for him in a sense that I may not be around forever.
He used to be so wonderful with everything taking me to appointments and just a real champ about it. But then again maybe that was the problem we really didn't talk about it. Now if anything happens that leads me having to make an appointment or going to the ER he has a melt down. For example he has missed so much work despite me telling him I will be fine because he gets himself so worked up in a frenzy he will race home because he thinks this is it. It could be something as simple as my blood pressure is low and he is still in crisis mode.
I am happy he cares but I miss how things were. I miss us not making a big deal about it. I don't want to be the reason he loses his job. Plus how he is acting is depressing me. I have no control over being sick and nothing makes me feel worse than seeing my husband sobbing because he is afraid to lose me. Yesterday he told me if anything happened to me he would kill himself. Its starting to make me feel like I am holding him back from a happy life. I feel like me being around now just causes him sadness. I want him to be happy but everyday with me is destroying him.
Maybe this whole thing is me being selfish because I want nothing more than to just live life. I don't want constant reminders that I am not well. We have been together for over a decade but I feel I am no longer good for him or anyone for that matter. I don't want to cause someone this much pain for something I can't control. How do we move past this?
tl;dr : my husband hasn't been handling me being sick very well since my mom died from same disease and its affecting us both.
Submitted May 05, 2019 at 10:59AM by throwfaraway150000 http://bit.ly/2DRh1Hw
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