I [32M] love to be generous in a relationship. New partner [26F] frequently asks for things. Even if I'm planning to do it, the explicit requests bother me.

When I'm in a relationship, I love to spoil and surprise my lover, with gifts, favors, thoughtful gestures etc. I think it strengthens a relationship and I love to make my partner happy.

I've been seeing a new woman, and she very frequently asks me for these things. It isn't even hinting, it's usually very explicit and never subtle. Examples are asking for specific gifts for Valentine's, asking me to surprise her with flowers, give her back rubs, bring specific food to her at work, etc.

This has been bothering me; even if I'm planning to do/give her something, for me it totally loses the spirit if I'm just fulfilling a request. I think a major part of the fun is the surprise and spontaneity - your partner is thinking of you and wants to please you, not just doing what you ask them to.

I'm a little concerned with what I perceive to be some selfishness overall. She's sweet and cares about me, and does make caring gestures towards me, but in general I'm often getting the impression that she thinks of herself first.

Anyways, am I crazy for being bothered about this? Following orders in general is a pet peeve for me, so maybe I'm just being oversensitive.

TL;DR: I love to make romantic gestures, especially as a surprise. New partner asks for them specifically, and it takes away the spirit of the act for me.

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 04:12PM by seventeentwentyfive http://bit.ly/2vHxZDT