Hi Reddit!
I'd be happy to hear from anyone here, but I'm mostly really curious to hear from other POC and those in interracial relationships.
For those with kinky black hair, how difficult and time-consuming it can be to manage, kind of comes with the territory. To mitigate this and be more versatile with my hair, I choose to style my hair in braids/weaves/and lately, wigs. They look pretty natural and it's generally pretty difficult for most to know that they're not my real hair (especially, those who are unaware of the nuances of black hair).
Recently, I started dating a new guy who I really like. He also happens to be white, and with that - came a learning curve about my hair, how I style it, and manage it. I let him know early on, that I wear a wig most of the time, with my real hair tucked underneath. This is called a "protective style", and is aimed at protecting my real fragile hair; it also helps decrease detangling time and rough manipulation, etc. on a daily basis. After I let him know, he was pretty curious and asked a bunch of questions; including, "why don't you just wear a fro?", etc. And...I've found it challenging to explain to him why my hair, as is, isn't an ideal hairstyle for me. Aside from the maintenance afro would require, there's still a lot of social stigma about black hair in its "natural" kinky state. Black hair, and its history, is a complicated matter, and it's not just as simple as, "just wear your natural hair". Granted, wigs make it impossible for him to comfortably run his fingers through my hair/access my scalp. And from his POV, I could see why this would be frustrating.
He has hinted since then, that he would like to see me wear my natural hair. This isn't my ideal, and IS NOT when I feel at my most attractive. But, on our most recent date, I figured, "what the heck". And long story short, he liked it. BUT, I didn't. I don't hate my hair or anything, but...I like my wigs! I think I look good in them, and they make me feel happy. Not to mention, they're low-maintenance, and more versatile than my natural hair.
He's mentioned that he prefers my natural hair over the wigs. But, that he's also not fond of braids/woven hair (which honestly, would be the most ideal choice for me after wigs). And...while I'm happy that he likes my natural hair, wearing my natural hair, full-time is just...not a sustainable option. I'm not sure how to break this to him. I'm also worried about whether he'll find me unattractive in wigs/if I ever wear braids. I know that he finds me attractive, and liked my hair BEFORE realizing it was a wig. But, I now worry that he may feel differently. How do I broach this topic with him?
Edit: I decided to just talk to him about it. He apologized, and reassured me that he finds me attractive. As well, apologized for implying that his preference means that he finds however I may choose to style my hair unattractive. I feel better now.
tl;dr: guy I'm dating doesn't like wigs, weaves, etc.
Submitted May 05, 2019 at 04:15PM by blackgirlthingsxo http://bit.ly/3008N9x
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