My [18F] boyfriend's best friend [19M] said that he wouldn't recommend anyone to date my boyfriend [19M]

The beginning of this happened a few days ago when all three of us did a group call and I joked around about some things that my boyfriend does. I said things about how whenever I ask my boyfriend for a massage he always takes it as a sign that I want sex or whenever we go out I end up paying for everything etc, etc. My boyfriend got a little upset because he went a little quiet and I felt like I'd crossed the line so I apologised in front of his friend and told him that I loved him. He responded with a very sarcastic and passive aggressive "I love you too" and we moved on. A while later into the conversation my boyfriend's friend hangs up abruptly and he said he was going to go watch LOTR and that we could continue our "toxic relationship". We both think it's his edgy way of leaving the conversation and we carry on with our call.

Today, I get a message from him asking what my boyfriend and I fight about the most and asking if he changes or anything or makes an effort. I was pretty taken aback. He told me that we both seemed "pretty cancerous" and I was honestly a little upset. I asked him how and he told me that we both seemed passive aggressive during the group call and I told him we were only joking (which we were). I asked him if he truly believed that and he asked me if it was true if my boyfriend always asked me to buy him things and I explained that sometimes if he tries to get me things his card usually declines and I end up paying for the both of us. His response was "he needs to get his shit together" and I agreed. I told him that my boyfriend was eligible for the government allowance and he just hadn't gotten it. His friend told me that he had been talking about it all year and nothing had been done. I told him that actually I had taken him to the government centre myself and explained his situation to the receptionist and gotten him through to a brief interview with a government worker who had given him a code to verify online so he could get his payments started. He never got it done and since he's said his mum had his birth certificate and he wasn't able to get his identity verified. His best friend was extremely shocked about this and at this point we had started our own call. We were pretty much just ranting about my boyfriend at this point and we were exchanging stories about him. At one point he said "He's my best friend but I honestly wouldn't recommend anyone to date him. He's childish and needs to get his shit together. He thinks that he doesn't need to change for anyone but he can't tell the difference between that and making himself a better person." His best friend even explained to me that was why he was seeing my boyfriend less and less. He thinks he still acts like a highschooler and hasn't grown up at all. I also mentioned that he talks about all of his ex girlfriends a lot and we fought about that SO MUCH at the beginning of our relationship. He told me that was a massive no-no and just adds to the immature part.

I'm really upset by hearing this but also super relieved, because whenever I try to bring up things he does that aren't okay he makes me feel guilty for saying it or rolls his eyes and we always end up fighting, and it makes me feel like the shitty overbearing girlfriend who's trying to change her boyfriend. I do think he's very immature for his age and he needs to grow up, and that I'm not right for him, but I also think that we're both super young and there's always room and time for change, and he might just be a late bloomer. I've been living on my own this year and I'm independent from my parents already, and next year I'd like to move and find a new place with my boyfriend but he seriously lacks the initiative. What do I do now? This is my first proper "real" relationship and I'm just very confused and trying to figure out what next.

TL;DR: My boyfriend's best friend and I both agree that my boyfriend is too childish and seriously needs to grow up (he's still in his communist "marx is my daddy" phase) I was to move forward with this relationship but I'm seriously afraid he won't change or grow. What the heck do I do now?

Submitted November 15, 2018 at 02:04AM by yanglean https://ift.tt/2TfCgc8